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Well, That’s Something You Don’t See Every Day

, , , | Healthy Romantic | April 9, 2022

I’m married to a big ol’ cowboy. When I was in labor with our child, the only time we were separated was when they took him to get into scrubs. He’s such a big farm boy that none of the scrubs fit him. He ended up wearing the largest painter suit they could find. When he walked in, I burst into laughter.

Me: “You look like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man from Ghostbusters!

Twenty-six years later, it’s my go-to memory in stressful situations.

Who’s Panicking?!

, , , | Healthy | April 8, 2022

I have a chronic disease, so I have blood tests like twice a year. I’m used to it and not afraid of needles or blood at all. This particular day, I have to get some more tests at the hospital so I’m here for the day. A nurse puts a catheter in my arm so they can get blood several times.

At the end of the day, another nurse comes by to take it off.

Nurse: “Okay, I’m gonna take it off. It might bleed a little bit, so please stay calm.”

Me: “Sure.”

She gets the needle out, and maybe because I moved too much during the day, some blood gets out and runs along my arm. It’s more than I expected but it’s really not a big deal. I don’t say a word, thinking she’s going to give me something to wipe it with.

Nurse: “OKAY! STAY CALM, PLEASE! DON’T PANIC!”

Me: “Well, I—”

Nurse: “IT’S OKAY, MA’AM! IT’S GONNA BE OKAY!”

Me: “I… know?”

She frantically wipes my arm and takes my hand.

Nurse: *Gently* “Calm down. It’s over… It’s okay…”

Me: “Errr… thanks?”

Nurse: “Yeah, everything is fine now. I know, this was kind of stressful, right? Just a little bit of blood.”

Me: “Yeah… sure.”

Maybe she just wanted to add a dramatic touch to her day? She was very nice, though.

So Not The Time And Place

, , , , , , | Right | March 30, 2022

I had a customer’s order get messed around by our warehouse, so I bent over backward to sort the issue. Then, they cancelled the order after a week of my running around to please them.

Six weeks later, I recognised the customer while I was in labor. She proceeded to ask me what had happened and what had gone wrong. 

Not quite what I wanted to hear from the doctor after twenty-four hours of labor when I was about to be brought in for an emergency C-section.

Professionals Are Scary

, , , , | Healthy | March 27, 2022

Growing up, I had asthma problems and would spend an evening in the hospital about once every other year. I grew used to the atmosphere around medical professionals. But being bad at reading subtleties between “professional demeanor” and “serious case,” I became a joker. If I could make the doctor or nurse laugh? I knew they weren’t going to come back with a dire prognosis.

One year, I went in because of a suspected seizure. It was very scary. I had to run a gamut of tests and I was put in a room in neurology. The next day, the neurologist walked in.

Neurologist: “I’ve looked at all your scans, and I can’t find anything.”

Me: “Odd. I’m sure I had a box of rocks in there. Any idea where it went?”

The neurologist froze for a moment, turned, and walked out of the room. This left me terrified. No chuckle? This was seriously bad, then, right?

A nurse rushed in and came to my bedside, asking, “What happened?” I relay the events.

Nurse: “Oh, good. I just saw him leaning against a wall in the hallway covering his face and shuddering. I thought he was crying.”

Me: “Is he trying not to laugh?”

Nurse: “Yeah. He doesn’t like appearing ‘less than professional’ in front of patients.”

Should’ve Had Your Apples Today

, , , , | Healthy | March 21, 2022

I was leaving a doctor’s visit when I had to walk by another doctor standing in the hallway. He had a chart in his hand and was facing one door, so I moved to go behind him. Just as I was between the doctor and the room he was not facing, he turned toward me. We nearly collided but I managed to stop just in time.

Me: “Oh, I—”

Doctor: *Scowling* “Never, never do that again.”

Me: “Do what?”

Doctor: “Stand in my way! You should more considerate of those around you going forward.”

Me: *Pauses* “Said the man in the middle of the hallway.”

The doctor glared at me as I moved past. I looked back and saw him entering the room he was facing originally. I was going to apologize originally, but after he scolded me, I was no longer sorry.