A Half Hour Can Make All The Difference

, , , | Hopeless | May 5, 2018

(I work as a housekeeper at a hospital. It is hard work, but I love the people I work with. There is one coworker who I take a liking to, mainly because he is a lot like my grandfather who had died. He is 60 years old and has worked at the hospital for almost 40 years. Whenever someone calls out and we can’t find a replacement, we will have to clean. I typically get partnered up with him. I learn quickly why everyone wants to have him as a partner. He will go down an hour before the time we set to start and he will finish EVERYTHING before I get to the area. One day I find out he often has a hard time finishing my area. In order to make it so I can actually help, I go down one and half hours early. As usual, he comes down an hour early to find I have done most of the area.)

Coworker: “What are you doing down here? We agreed to ten.”

Me: “I knew you would come down at nine and do everything. I wanted to do at least my portion of this area; we are supposed to clean it together! There is a bathroom left that needs to be done.”

Coworker: “But I didn’t need your help!”

Me: “Well, I want to do my portion. So, save me half or I’ll come down even earlier.”

Coworker: *suddenly smiles* “You know what? You remind me of my son.”

Me: “How so?”

Coworker: “You’re a stubborn jacka**.”

Me: “I wonder where he got that trait?”

(I found out after talking to him on our break that his son and wife had died in a car accident five years ago. When he met my wife, he told me that we remind him of how he and his wife were when they first got married. I no longer work as a housekeeper, but we stay in touch. He’s helped my wife and I with getting food in times where we were struggling.)

Have You Tried Turning The Technician Off And On Again?

, , , | Working | May 4, 2018

(My job is sending lab tests to different labs, which is more typing out the tests than actually moving the samples around. I don’t usually turn on my computer until I get my first stack of tests, which can take a couple of hours depending on the day’s traffic, so I don’t really notice if my computer is working until I do. After getting my first stack of files for the day, I notice my computer isn’t working, and after trying to fix it, the whole electric circuit jumps. This means that other than the computer not working, we also have no fax or copy machine. I can’t work, which might cost me, since my boss isn’t exactly my biggest fan. A coworker of mine calls an electrician. The electrician checks everything, tries to turn the computer back on, and nothing happens, so they say it’s the computer and go. My first thought is that I’m going to need a new computer, but my coworker says she’ll call IT. They say it’ll take a while and end up sending someone about an hour later.)

IT: “What’s the problem?”

Me: “The whole circuit doesn’t work, and when I try to turn on my computer, there’s a red light and it beeps.”

IT: *taking his time going through everything* “What are you saying? What is that supposed to mean? Are you sure it’s not the circuit that’s problematic?”

Coworker: “We just had an electrician here, and everything is fine.”

Me: “It’s the computer. And the screen, and the copy machine.” *muttering to myself* “And now also my phone. Great.”

IT: *after twenty minutes of just poking around* “I’ll take your computer for a second and check. It might be the circuit.”

(The guy leaves for another ten minutes, and when he comes back, he lays this gem on me:)

IT: “I just tested your computer in another room and it works just fine, so it’s the circuit.”

(He then proceeds to plug the computer back in, which — yet again — jumps the whole circuit, and possibly the printer, too, which is rather far from my desk.)

Me: *to my coworkers* “Well, I guess I’m not working today! My computer is dead!”

(The IT guy then decided that I might need a new computer. And that’s a conclusion that took me two minutes to reach, originally.)

Being A Parent Is Not Apparent

, , , | Right | May 4, 2018

(A woman comes in for her appointment. I don’t see anyone else with her, nor is there any mention. She gets taken in with our sonographer, and 15 minutes into her appointment, my radiographer comes to me with a five- or six-year-old boy.)

Radiographer: “I just found this boy in one of our empty rooms, wandering around.”

(She is stunned and almost laughing at how serious it is leaving someone so young alone.)

Me: “Is he with anyone?”

Radiographer: “I don’t know. He won’t talk to me. Maybe put a kids show on and see if he’s with the woman inside ultrasound.”

Me: “Okay.”

(The radiographer gives me a “Who is careless like this?” look and returns to her work.)

Me: “Okay, buddy. Do you want to watch something?”

Boy: “Do you have kids shows?”

Me: “Sure!”

(Finally, when the woman comes out, she calls the boy.)

Me: “Is he with you?”

Woman: “Yes.”

Me: “Just so you know, he was wandering around our empty rooms. We had no idea he was here or who he was with.”

Woman: “Did he lose me?”

(To this day, I still wonder how someone can be lost when they never knew where they were to begin with. She was behind a closed door, as well. Who leaves their child alone?!)

Giving Birth To One Final Joke

, , , , | Related | May 2, 2018

(Due to several medical issues, my doctor and I agree that it would be best for me to have an oophorectomy — ovaries removed. My husband and I do not have any children, but we’ve already agreed we’d both rather adopt if/when the time comes that we want to grow our family. My mom, who has also been very supportive throughout this process, has volunteered to bring me to the surgery center the day of my appointment. The only thing that makes me nervous is going under anesthesia, but all of the nurses and the anesthesiologist are so friendly, and really help me to calm down. They even crack jokes with my mom during all of the pre-op prep. The time comes for them to wheel me back to surgery. I’ve already had my first dose of meds, so I am feeling pretty relaxed at this point.)

Mom: *getting one last joke in* “Well, there goes my chance of having any grandkids!”

Me: *so shocked, and loopy enough, that I sit straight up on the bed and shout* “She made it this far without saying that!”

(I’m told the nurses got a good laugh out of it.)

A Vampire And A Vulture

, , , , , | Romantic | May 2, 2018

(I’m 20 and have just had an appendectomy, but I also went in hypokalemic, so before they discharge me they want to check my blood. This happens around six am, so I’m very sleepy. The phlebotomist looks like he is about 40 years old. I should also add I hate my blood getting drawn, and I am NOT a morning person.)

Phlebotomist: “Good morning! I’m here to draw your blood so we can check and make sure you’re good to go! Might I say, you are very pretty!”

Me: “Um… Okay?”

Phlebotomist: *turning to my mom* “Might I be able to take your daughter on a date when she is recovered?”

Mom: *stunned*

Phlebotomist: “Don’t worry; it’ll be after she is recovered. My wife divorced me a few years ago, and I think she—” *meaning me* “—would like me very much.”

Mom: *trying to be nice to the man with a needle in my arm* “Well, sir, we aren’t from this area. She just had emergency surgery, but we live somewhere else.”

Phlebotomist: “That is no problem. I can come visit when she is feeling better.”

(At this time, he is done drawing my blood, and stands there waiting for confirmation, never addressing what I think.)

Mom: “Sir, it’s very early, and I think my daughter would like to go back to sleep. I don’t think it’s going to happen.”

Phlebotomist: *to me* “What do you say? Would you like to go on a date?”

Me: “No. Bye.”

(Thankfully, I was discharged that morning.)

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