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Where Else Would You Egg-spect Them To Come From?

| SC, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals, Popular

(I’m an ER nurse and I am talking to one of my patients about my farm back home.)

Me: “Yeah, I have chickens and they’re about to—”

Patient: “What do you have chickens for?”

Me: “They lay fresh eggs that my family and I can eat.”

Patient: “You eat the eggs out of a chicken’s butt!?”

Me: “Uh… where do you think eggs come from?”

Patient: “I buy mine from the store. They’re store eggs!”

Me: “Those come out of a chicken’s butt, too.”

Patient: “But… but you said the ones you have are brown. The ones I get are white.”

Me: “Yeah… some chickens lay white eggs and other lay brown. That’s not how—”

Patient: “I guess I’m just never having eggs again… like, ever. That’s disgusting.”

An Unhealthy Attitude

| WA, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

(I work at a gym and am currently staffing a booth at a health event at the local hospital. The majority of the people attending have been the hospital staff and all have been very pleasant.)

Me: *to a passing nurse* “Would you like to enter a chance to win a free membership?”

Nurse: *looks at me like I asked her to murder puppies* “I WON’T EVER SET FOOT IN A HEALTH CLUB! THEY ARE DISGUSTING AND DIRTY AND FULL OF GERMS!” *storms off*

Me: *to my coworker* “Does she not realize she works in a hospital?”

When Alcoholism Is Contagious

| NJ, USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Spouses & Partners

(My father is moving boxes of ceiling tiles. My dad lifts one up and hits me square in the nose, breaking it. After we check in at the hospital and I get seated at a bed, we witness an older man roll in on a stretcher and begin to talk to his nurse, obviously intoxicated.)

Nurse: “Hi, how are you doing today? My name is [Nurse] and I will be your nurse.”

Man: “Well, I’m doing fine; I just have no idea how I got here.”

Nurse: “It says here you collapsed unconscious. Did you drink any alcohol today?”

Man: “Yes. Yes, I did.”

Nurse: “And how much did you drink?”

Man: “Around two cups of vodka.”

Nurse: “That’s a lot.”

Man: “Yeah, but if you met my wife, you’d know it’s not enough.”

Nurse: *chuckles*

Man: “That’s the best thing about hospitals, you can say whatever you want and no one judges you because you’re sick.”

Nurse: “All right, Mr. Wise-Guy, I need to take your blood pressure.”

Man: “I like you. What is your name again?”

Nurse: “Thank you, it’s [Nurse].”

Man: “Yeah, you have nice tits. I’ll call you [Nurse] with the big tits.” *laughs*

Nurse: “…”

Dad: *under his breath* “If we are going to be here any longer, I’ll need a drink myself…”

I Don’t Know Myself!

, | Kansas City, MO, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

(I work for a veterinary clinic that also offers pet boarding. To board, pets must be current on vaccinations; if they are not, a staff member reviews a consent form with them and then a vet will update the required services.)

Client: “I have a complaint.”

Me: “I’m sorry. How can I help you?”

Client: “No one called me to tell me my dog was started on ear medications while boarding.”

Me: “Let me review your file… According to the paperwork you signed at check-in, you selected the “Okay to treat minor issues” box, rather than the “Call to approve” box.”

Client: “Why would you not call people?”

Me: “Some people prefer not to receive calls when gone on vacation or business—”

Client: “—You don’t know me. How do you know what I want?”

Me: “Yes, that’s why we asked you, on this form you signed, what your preference was, to be contacted or not?”

Client: “You don’t know me!”

Me: “Perhaps in the future you should check the other box…”

The Hannibal Special

| VT, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names

(I work for food service at a hospital.)

Customer: “I would like the human plate.”

Me: *pauses a moment thinking this over* “Did you mean hummus plate?”

Customer: “No I mean the human plate.”

Me: “Okay…” *sent the hummus plate*

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