Use Your Head Before You See The Head Injury

, , , , , | Healthy | March 28, 2018

(One evening, as I am working, I end up standing up and smacking my head against a shelf, leading to a head wound that starts bleeding rather profusely. I clean up a bit and get an old rag to hold over the injury. My manager gets one of my co-workers to drive me over to the ER to get checked out. We arrive, and start to get checked in, when an old man speaks up behind me.)

Old Man: “F****** kid, bumped his head and trying to get attention. Go home, you p****! There are people that actually need to be here!”

(I turned, because I was not quite sure if he was talking to me, revealing the side of my face that had a few streaks of blood down it that I hadn’t managed to clean up. Right as I turned, a new line of blood leaked out and rolled down the side of my face, as well. The old man jumped and actually half-slid out of his seat, before standing up and scurrying over to a chair across the waiting area from where I was. I got checked in, and they confirmed that it was just a typical head wound, no concussion or internal bleeding. As I left, I spotted the old man being let in, and he turned away, beet red. Maybe he’ll learn to not be so quick to judge.)

Saving Lives Is In Their Blood

, , , | Hopeless | March 27, 2018

I volunteer in the gift shop of a local hospital. One day a phlebotomist comes in to purchase a gift.

She’s carrying a tote filled with all her supplies, like needles, empty vials, etc. She tells me she’s very late in getting this gift and she needs to find something right away because she’ll be seeing the recipient in a few hours. I help her find an appropriate item. Then, because she’s going to be giving the gift that day right after work, I offer to put it into a nice bag with tissue. I tie some ribbon to the handle to make it more festive, and give her a free gift card to enclose.

She’s thanking me profusely for my wrapping job and then says, in all sincerity, “You’re such a lifesaver.” I look over to her tote and reply, “Umm, I think, literally, you are.”

Made me laugh to myself the rest of my shift at the irony of the fact that I volunteer in a hospital and I’m the lifesaver.

Morphine Makes You Mellow And Mallow

, , , | Healthy | March 26, 2018

(I broke my leg and have just been loaded into the ambulance. The paramedic gives me some morphine. I get a little silly once the drugs kick in.)

Me: *to paramedic* “Oh, you smell so goooooood.”

(Once I get to the hospital, they temporarily sedate me to set my leg. I wake up as they are wrapping my leg in gauze. My leg is puffy and white.)

Me: “Hashtag marshmallow!”

Saved By A Secret Santa

, , , , , , , | Hopeless | March 24, 2018

My husband was hospitalized just before Christmas and ultimately had surgery that showed he has advanced cancer. After the doctor broke the news, I returned to his room to wait for my husband to return from recovery. There, I found a gift bag addressed to me from my husband. Inside was a snowman figurine. Not just any snowman, but one that matched the one he’d given me the year before. I’d looked at this snowman twice in the hospital gift shop. I was astounded how he’d managed to do this, especially considering he didn’t even have any money on him!

After he’d recovered enough to have a conversation, I asked him about it. He was as surprised as I was. He said someone in the operating room had asked if he had his Christmas shopping done and he said no; he still needed a stocking-stuffer for me. He told them I like snowmen. And somehow, some kind soul who knew we were about to have a bad Christmas managed to pick out the exact perfect gift as a surprise to us. We’ll always remember this amazing display of Christmas spirit.

Allergic To Common Sense, Part 13

, , , , | Healthy | March 23, 2018

(I work in a hospital in a mid-sized city as a CNA. We like to refer to our dietary service as “Room Service” for some reason. A patient hits the call light.)

Patient: “I need to talk to you about my diet. Room service won’t let me order hardly anything on the menu.”

(I call down to room service. Apparently, the patient has eggs listed on her allergies in her chart, so naturally, they won’t allow her to order anything with eggs in it. This is kind of a problem at breakfast time. I head back into the room.)

Me: “It seems that our dietary department has eggs listed as one your allergies.”

Patient: *deep sigh* “No, I’m not allergic to eggs. I’m allergic to egg yolks.”

Me: *with a look of confusion on my face* “Um, I’ve never heard of that. What happens when you eat egg yolks?”

Patient: “They make me gag, but I can eat scrambled eggs with no problem. As long as they’re mixed in, they don’t bother me.”

Me: “I don’t think that’s an allergy; I think you just don’t like runny yolks.”

(It took me a full four hours of bugging the nurse and the doctor to change this woman’s diet, because this woman in her sixties didn’t know the difference between allergies and foods she doesn’t like.)

Allergic To Common Sense, Part 12
Allergic To Common Sense, Part 11
Allergic To Common Sense, Part 10

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