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Would He Feel This Way With The Shoe On The Other (Broken) Foot?

, , , , , | Right | November 14, 2022

I’m a college student, and I have been working as a freelance designer to pay some bills.

A year ago, a company contacted me about designing a flyer and a billboard for them. The deadline was coming pretty quickly, and we agreed on a price that included a rush fee.

Two days into the project, I got run over by a car that broke both of my legs. I was sent to a hospital, where I had to get surgery. As soon as I got out of surgery and regained consciousness, I contacted the client and told him what had happened. I said that I was going to be unable to work on any projects. I’d been given pretty strong pain medications, and I wasn’t in any kind of shape to do anything, so I wasn’t going to meet the deadline that was set.

I offered to get him in contact with another designer and to give him all the files needed so they could finish the project in time. I also told him that I could refund half the rush fee he had paid me in advance.

His answer deserves to be framed.

Client: “What happened to you is terrible! I hope you get better soon, but since you only had to get surgery on your legs and you can still use your hands, I think you can keep working on the project. Cheers!”

The nurse also thought he was an a**hole.

He C-Sections But He Does Not See

, , , , , | Healthy | November 7, 2022

Around a month after having my first child, I realized my C-section scar was not healing well. It just was inflamed and strangely “bumpy”, so on a late evening, my husband and I decided to go to the ER to have it checked because we were out of town and I wouldn’t be able to see my gynecologist for a while.

It was kind of quiet at the hospital, and I had the honor of having three doctors around me, poking at my healing wound, and asking the usual questions about my general health.

And then came the Professor, the person in charge there, and the other white coats immediately gathered to one side respectfully while he looked at me with a paternal smile.

Professor: “And when did you have your C-section?”

Me: “On October twenty-fifth.”

Then, he dropped this pearl,

Professor: “And when was your child born?”

Me: *In a really unimpressed tone* “On October twenty-fifth.”

I looked at the other doctors, and they were all checking some very interesting floor tiles until the Professor left without a word and I was finally able to get some antibiotics for my infection.

When He Tried To Be Both Trick AND Treat

, , , , , , , | Healthy | October 31, 2022

I’m an ER nurse and it is Halloween, so we have been getting some rather colorful patients. I am doing intake and a group of gay men wearing animal costumes approaches, all looking rather sheepish. One of them is wearing a towel around his midsection.

Me: “What’s the reason you’re here, so I can give you the correct intake form?”

Man #1: “Well, my friend here wanted to wear a tail to the club, y’know, to have the best costume.”

Me: “Okay?”

Man #1: “And he… well… he wanted to make it, like… interactive with some of the guys at the club, and…”

Me: *Picks up a specific form* “Okay, so it’s a ‘removal’ procedure? Did he use lube?”

Man #1: “Wait… how did you know?”

Me: “Animal tail attached to a butt plug that gets stuck? Happens every Halloween.”

Man #2: “So… I’m not the first?”

Me: “Oh, honey. You’re not even the first tonight.”

Seriously… every d*** Halloween.

We Know It’s Hard, But Trust The Process

, , , | Healthy | October 29, 2022

This takes place at the waiting room for the emergency room of a local hospital. Both the waiting room and the ER itself are full, and we are trying to take care of patients as fast as we can. Understandably, some people are upset, but they don’t mind waiting.

However, this one guy does mind. He has already been complaining for a while and we’ve done our best to ignore him. However, when another patient gets in, he explodes.

Father: *Angry knocking* “Hey! Open up in there! My daughter is out here dying!”

Me: “Sir, I already told you we are full here, and during our preliminary examination, your daughter was doing fine.”

Father: “She is not fine! She is dying, for God’s sake!”

I take a look at the little girl, who is happily playing some game on her father’s phone.

Me: “Sir, your daughter seems fine. We will get to her as soon as we take care of our current patients that require immediate attention.”

Father: “Oh, so my daughter doesn’t matter?! Huh? Is that it, then? You don’t care? There’s probably one patient in there, and you’re all just lazy. You doctors are so full of yourselves and think you are above us. You will see my daughter, now!

By the end of his rant, everyone is staring, and an ambulance has pulled up to the entrance bringing a newborn baby who’s having trouble breathing. We get the baby in, and the father goes red-faced. But before he can say anything, having already lost my patience, I respond:

Me: “Sir, we now have three newborn babies that require our immediate care, or else they could die. We have two kids with severe dengue that require IV fluids or else they’ll go into shock. We have a kid and a baby that require oxygen before we can transfer them to the ICU. Not only is the ER over its intended capacity, but it’s full of life-threatening emergencies. We need to stabilize these patients before we can bring in any new ones. Your daughter is playing Candy Crush on your phone, looking perfectly fine. We will get to your daughter as soon as we can. However, if you continue to berate me, my colleagues or anyone else at the hospital I will call the police. Do you understand me?”

The father nodded sheepishly and sat down.

I am not proud of my yelling, but at least I know it’s enough to settle down rowdy parents.

Trying To Get A Word In Until You’re Blue In The Face

, , , | Healthy | October 27, 2022

I have arrived in the emergency room via ambulance. After I’m registered and a nurse hooks me up to monitoring equipment, the doctor comes in, sits down, and pulls up my chart on a computer. He does not look at me or my wife.

Doctor: “So, we’re in for some wonky vitals today? Your blood pressure and heart rate are elevated.”

Me: “Yes. It happens sometimes—”

Doctor: “Uh-huh. And I see here you’re diagnosed with anxiety?”

Me: “Yes, but—”

Doctor: “Sounds like you’re having a panic attack. But don’t worry; we’ll get you some anti-anxiety medication and that should help you feel much better.”

Me: “This has happened before and—”

Doctor: “It’s fairly common; don’t worry. Panic attacks can hit fast and feel awful, but you’ll feel better once we get you calmed down.”

Me: “One question.”

Doctor: “Yes?”

Me: “What are we going to do about the fact that I’m turning blue?”

Startled, the doctor FINALLY looked at me. Despite my oxygen levels being good, my lips and fingernails were quite literally blue and my heart rate was dangerously high, not simply “elevated”.

I know a high heart rate and a history of anxiety usually go together, but dismissing my symptoms without even looking at me or the notes from the EMTs was enough for me to ask for another doctor.

Luckily, the second doctor was more open to turning blue being a symptom of something other than anxiety and managed to get me back to the correct color and heart rate, and they even got me set up with a specialist to try and figure out the cause.