Totally Eye-Balling

| Dublin, Ireland | Bizarre, Health & Body

Me: “Oh, my God, you have the most beautiful eyes. Your makeup is fabulous. Doesn’t she have the most amazing eyes? I’ve never seen eyes so wonderful.”

Midwife: “Ookaaay, let’s go easy on the gas and air during your next contraction.”

See All The Blood Drain From Their Face

| CA, USA | Health & Body

(I work in a small town ER as an advanced EMT. I do a lot of IVs and venipuncture in the ER, on our ambulance on 911 calls, as well on our other hospital floors for nurses who are unable to start the IV themselves on people who are exceptionally hard to stick. I get a lot of practice in less than ideal conditions so my IV skills are well-honed.)

Me: “Hello! The doctor wants to run a few labs so I’m here to draw your blood.”

Patient: *laughs condescendingly* “You won’t be getting any of my blood today. I’m a horrible stick. Your nurse will have to draw it out of my central line.”

Me: “I understand, ma’am, but I’ll have to at least take a look.” *applies tourniquet to right arm and notices large blue vein comes to the surface on her hand* “Looks like you’ve got a nice one right here so I’ll give it a shot.”

Patient: “You’re welcome to try but you’re wasting your time! Everyone tries and they always fail.”

(The patient continues to chastise me for trying and assures me repeatedly that I’ll fail. Meanwhile, I poke her with a small butterfly and draw the blood, giving her “mmmhmms” and “ahh, okay…” during her rant. When I finish I apply a cotton ball and a bandaid.)

Patient: “See, I told you! You’ll need to go get your nurse now!”

Me: “Get my nurse? How come?”

Patient: “Because! You can’t just draw blood off of me like I’m just any other patient! I’m an impossible stick!”

(I hold up 10 mL blood.)

Me: *flash her a smile* “Oh, no worries. I got all I need. I appreciate your concern for me, but I’ve done this a couple times.”

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Come To A Fork In The Road

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Bizarre, Popular

(I work the metal detector at the local ER. It’s about 1 a.m. and it’s been pretty slow with only one woman with a cough. Suddenly a woman, a little boy, and a girl with a fork IN HER ARM rush in. The fork is jammed at a weird angle with only about one prong visible.)

Girl: *in tears* “I don’t think I’m gonna do very well against that metal detector.”

Don’t Baby-Talk Me

| Ottawa, ON, Canada | Bizarre, Health & Body

(Working in a hospital’s restaurant, I get asked where a lot of things are, most of the time where ER and the main doors are. The creepiest thing I’ve been asked is:)

Visitor: “So, where are the babies?”

Already Failed The Test

| Nottingham, England, UK | Health & Body, Popular, Spouses & Partners

(Whilst waiting to be seen at the eye clinic, the optometrist comes over to a couple in front of us.)

Optometrist: “We need a new retinal scan of your husband’s eyes, Mrs. [Name]. Could you please take this form to room 19 and see the technician who will do the test there.”

(Mrs. [Name] gets up and gathers her things together and starts out of the door.)

Optometrist: “Mrs. [Name]! You need to take your husband with you.”

Mrs. [Name]: “Why? Will he need to be there when they do the test?”

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