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Where’s A Real Live Robot When You Need One, Part 2

| Chicago, IL, USA | Bizarre, Technology

Me: “Good morning, my name is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

(Pause.)

Patient: *very slowly and clearly* “Um… request an appointment?”

Me: “Oh… I’m not a computer, ma’am.”

Patient: *shocked* “Oh! Goodness.”

Related:

Where’s A Real Live Robot When You Need One

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Nil By Brain

| AZ, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Popular

(I am waiting to get a cat scan and MRI at the hospital when I overhear the following:)

Nurse: “Did you get the instructions to prepare for the tests?”

Patient: “Yes.”

Nurse: “Did you see where it said that you can’t eat or drink before testing?”

Patient: “Yes.”

Nurse: “Have you eaten or drank anything today?”

Patient: “No, I haven’t.”

(The nurse is called away and the man sits facing a sign that says if you have eaten anything your test may need to be rescheduled. A new nurse approaches.)

Nurse #2: “Did you eat breakfast today?”

Patient: “No.”

Nurse #2: “Did you drink anything?”

Patient: “No.”

Nurse #2: “Did you take any medicine?”

Patient: “No.”

Nurse #2: “Not even ibuprofen?”

Patient: “No.”

Nurse #2: “So you haven’t eaten or drank anything today?”

Patient: “No.”

Nurse #2: “Not even water?”

Patient: “No.”

Nurse #2: “And you haven’t taken any medicine?”

Patient: “No, I haven’t.”

Nurse #2: “Okay.” *turns to leave*

Patient: “But I drank some milk when I took my medicine. And then I ate a plate of eggs.”

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Where Else Would You Egg-spect Them To Come From?

| SC, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals, Popular

(I’m an ER nurse and I am talking to one of my patients about my farm back home.)

Me: “Yeah, I have chickens and they’re about to—”

Patient: “What do you have chickens for?”

Me: “They lay fresh eggs that my family and I can eat.”

Patient: “You eat the eggs out of a chicken’s butt!?”

Me: “Uh… where do you think eggs come from?”

Patient: “I buy mine from the store. They’re store eggs!”

Me: “Those come out of a chicken’s butt, too.”

Patient: “But… but you said the ones you have are brown. The ones I get are white.”

Me: “Yeah… some chickens lay white eggs and other lay brown. That’s not how—”

Patient: “I guess I’m just never having eggs again… like, ever. That’s disgusting.”

An Unhealthy Attitude

| WA, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

(I work at a gym and am currently staffing a booth at a health event at the local hospital. The majority of the people attending have been the hospital staff and all have been very pleasant.)

Me: *to a passing nurse* “Would you like to enter a chance to win a free membership?”

Nurse: *looks at me like I asked her to murder puppies* “I WON’T EVER SET FOOT IN A HEALTH CLUB! THEY ARE DISGUSTING AND DIRTY AND FULL OF GERMS!” *storms off*

Me: *to my coworker* “Does she not realize she works in a hospital?”

When Alcoholism Is Contagious

| NJ, USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Spouses & Partners

(My father is moving boxes of ceiling tiles. My dad lifts one up and hits me square in the nose, breaking it. After we check in at the hospital and I get seated at a bed, we witness an older man roll in on a stretcher and begin to talk to his nurse, obviously intoxicated.)

Nurse: “Hi, how are you doing today? My name is [Nurse] and I will be your nurse.”

Man: “Well, I’m doing fine; I just have no idea how I got here.”

Nurse: “It says here you collapsed unconscious. Did you drink any alcohol today?”

Man: “Yes. Yes, I did.”

Nurse: “And how much did you drink?”

Man: “Around two cups of vodka.”

Nurse: “That’s a lot.”

Man: “Yeah, but if you met my wife, you’d know it’s not enough.”

Nurse: *chuckles*

Man: “That’s the best thing about hospitals, you can say whatever you want and no one judges you because you’re sick.”

Nurse: “All right, Mr. Wise-Guy, I need to take your blood pressure.”

Man: “I like you. What is your name again?”

Nurse: “Thank you, it’s [Nurse].”

Man: “Yeah, you have nice tits. I’ll call you [Nurse] with the big tits.” *laughs*

Nurse: “…”

Dad: *under his breath* “If we are going to be here any longer, I’ll need a drink myself…”

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