(I have to go for a diagnostic mammogram to follow up on an anomaly that showed up on my screening mammogram. Understandably, I am a bit nervous that I may have cancer. I have the new imaging done and I am called back into the examining room for my results. The tech pulls up my images on the computer and began to click on certain areas of the image.)

Tech: “Wow, that’s odd.” *silence* “Huh, that is really strange.” *more silence then exclaims* “Oh, my God!”

(The tech runs out of the room. Needless to say I am feeling very scared. Another lady comes and starts clicking on the images.)

Woman: “Wow, that is odd. I have never seen anything like this before, I hope this isn’t fatal.”

(At this point I am fighting back tears and am shaking like a leaf.)

Woman: “Well, I guess we will have to shut it down and reboot.”

Me: “Are you kidding me?! I was terrified!”

(I never get an apology for scaring me. To add insult to injury, the original tech asks me:)

Tech: “Have you had any trauma to the chest, as we can’t find the anomaly that sent you here originally.”

Me: “The only chest trauma I experienced was from the second mammogram!”

Tech: “Well, you don’t have to be so snarky.”

(I have gotten a pretty nasty cut to my head. I have my dad put me in my car and drive me to the hospital. I was supposed to see my grandmother for dinner that evening but due to being in the hospital I am unable to do so. She phones to find out where I am. As I’m going in to have a CT scan I have to reject the call. I ask my dad to call her and explain what’s going on. My dad is unfortunately not very good at explaining things without causing alarm.)

Dad: “Hello, [Grandmother]. I don’t want you to worry but [My Name] has had an accident and is currently in hospital and unable to speak. I will call you back later and explain fully.”

Me: “You do realise she now thinks I’m dead, right?”

Dad: “Ah… good point. I’ll call her again.”

(He ran out to the car park to call her back and explained that I was, in fact, alive and quite well; I just couldn’t speak because I was talking to the doctor about my scan. I was fine and made a full recovery. I later found out that by the time my dad had called her back, my grandmother was already packing a bag and calling for a taxi to come and take her to the hospital. Thankfully we were able to talk her down and I went to see her later in the evening.)

(My sister-in-law has just finished having her first child by Caesarean section. My brother was present for it.)

Brother: “I love you on a whole new level, babe.”

Sister-In-Law: “Oh, that’s so sweet!”

Brother: “Now I’ve seen your internal organs.”

(I am nine pounds, ten ounces when I am born: very fat and squishy. My mother is standing outside the nursery, admiring me through the window, and beside her is another new mother, admiring her own baby.)

Other Mom: *pointing at newborn-me and laughing* “Look at that baby with the cauliflower ears!”

My Mom: “…I am sure the mother of that baby thinks she is the most beautiful baby ever.”

(I am walking towards the hospital, behind an older woman who is walking extremely slowly. As I need to get to my own medical appointment, I walk around her and through the door.)

Woman: *angrily* “Well, YOU’RE no gentleman!”

Me: “Pardon me?”

Woman: “You’re no gentleman!”

Me: “Because I walked in ahead of you?”

Woman: “Yes.”

Me: “So I have to walk behind you and can’t just go around you?”

Woman: “Well, yes!”

Me: “…” *and kept walking*