Cardiac Unrest

| Arizona, USA | Bigotry, Health & Body

(I work in an ER and I am checking in a patient who needs a cardiac procedure.)

Patient: “You have an accent. Where are you from?”

Me: “South Africa.”

Patient: *disgusted* “South AFRICA? Oh, well I’m sure they wouldn’t have hired you unless you were properly educated.”

Me: “I assure you, I have a good education. The cardiologist will be in to see you shortly.”

(As I’m walking out, the cardiologist walks in and introduces himself to the patient.)

Patient: “Oh, you have an accent, too. Where are you from?”

Doctor: “South Africa.”

Patient: *horrified*

A Wick-ed Accident

| Valencia, Spain | Bizarre, Health & Body, Top

(My friend is a nurse at a local hospital.)

Patient: “My belly is hurting me.”

My Friend: “Don’t worry, sir. We’ll sort it out.”

(My friend proceeds to do a routine examination on the patient. Whenever she touches the patient’s abdomen, he suffers from a lot of pain. They take him to the x-ray room for scans.)

My Friend: “Sir, it appears you have… um… three candles lodged in your rectum. Do you have any idea how this happened?”

Patient: “Well… er… I was carrying an armful of candles down some stairs and I tripped and…” *trails off into silence*

My Friend: “So, you fell on a candle.”

Patient: “Yes.”

My Friend: “Then you fell again, on another candle.”

Patient: “Yes.”

My Friend: “And then once more, on yet another candle.”

Patient: “That’s what happened!

Hair-Raising Customers

| Seattle, WA, USA | Top, Wild & Unruly

(I have very long, honey-blonde hair that is not dyed or altered. A lady is waiting for her boyfriend in the hospital emergency room when she approaches my desk.)

Me: “Hi, would you like to head back to check on [lady’s boyfriend]?”

Lady: “No. I just wanted to compliment you on your extensions and get the number of your hairdresser.”

Me: “Actually, my hair is natural.”

Lady: “Yeah, okay, right…seriously, who does your hair?”

(At that moment, my printer begins printing paperwork and I turn around to retrieve it. Suddenly, she leans forward and yanks on my hair.)

Me: “OW!”

(She yanks even harder.)

Lady: “They usually come right out!”

(I am trying to free my hair from her as she continues to yank.)

Me: “OW! Ma’am, please, ow, stop. It’s not going to come off! It’s attached to my head!”

(Thankfully, security shows up and makes her let go. As she’s heading to her boyfriend’s room, she starts ranting.)

Lady: “HAIR CAN’T GROW THAT LONG!”