CONTENT WARNING: Bloody Injury

My late grandmother used to work as a receptionist at an emergency room. One day, they had a logger come limping in, leaving bloody footprints across the floor. Grandma yelled for the attending and the head ER nurse and went to help even though she wanted to run away. The man’s caulk (spiked) boot was split back three inches or more from the toe. (This was before steel-toed boots.)

They got the logger into a room and cut the boot down both sides. When they removed the remains of the boot, blood poured out and went all over… and the big, rough, tough he-man logger passed out cold.

The ER doctor put someone to monitoring the logger’s vital signs, which were good; he had simply fainted.

So, the doctor proceeded with cutting the logger’s heavy wool sock off. Then, the doctor frowned. They washed the foot, disinfected and dried it, put a band-aid on it, woke the logger up, and sent him home.

The axe had gone in between the logger’s biggest toe and the next toe and made a small cut in the web between the toes, which had bled a fair bit by the time he’d gotten down to the road and then ridden in the “crummy” (crew truck) all the way to the hospital!

I submitted this story some time ago. The following happened during the same internship.

When I was an intern at the hospital, I was in the revalidation department, where most of the patients are elderly.

Two days before the end of my internship, I heard a patient’s bell ring, so I went to her room.

Lady: “I dropped this.” *Points to a book* “Can you get it back for me?”

The thing is, the lady was in a wheelchair, and she could have gotten her book herself easily. I still got it for her. She took it and put her hand on my shoulder.

Lady: “Thanks. I know I could’ve done it, but you’re here for that, are you not?”

With this, she gave me a little tap on the cheek.

I was stunned. I still am. I didn’t say anything, neither to her nor to the other nurses, although I should have. She was always nice and never caused any problems, so I was shocked by the audacity.

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About thirty-five years ago, I was a young Air Force nurse. I worked with a nurse who had been brought up by a father who was a senior enlisted man; he had taught her the proper chain of command and respect for rank. As a nurse and college graduate, she was automatically a lieutenant and, as such, was an officer and outranked her father. Being an officer was a Big Deal to her, and receiving salutes from enlisted people was particularly exciting. 

One day, she was walking into work and approached a young enlisted man leaving the hospital. As they neared, he failed to salute her.

Lieutenant: *Barking* “Something wrong with your arm, Airman?”

Airman: *Meekly* “Yes, ma’am.”

And he gingerly lifted his right arm. In a cast. Wrapped in a sling.

At least it reset [Lieutenant]’s ego a bit to acceptable levels, and she was a terrific nurse.

Our company is contracted to do IT support at a hospital. A woman comes in with her office laptop. The office laptops are usually put in a dock on the desk, with a keyboard, mouse, and external monitor connected to the dock.

Client: “This antivirus thing has stolen my computer!”

She has one of those fake antiviruses that locks all functionality of your computer until you pay for it.

Me: “No problem; I can fix it. Give me half an hour or so and I’ll get it back to you.”

I sit back down at my desk and start working on it. She just stares at me for a second.

Client: “Can I use my computer in my office?”

Me: “Which computer?”

Client: “The one in my office, that I use every day.”

Me: “You mean the one right here?” *Points to the laptop she just gave me*

Client: “No, the one I use to send emails and do charts and stuff.”

Me: “Uh…”

I have her walk me to her office and she shows me her “computer”. She points at the external monitor, which is obviously blank because there’s nothing connected to the dock.

Client: “This one. Usually, there’s a picture on there, but it’s not there right now. Why can’t I use that?”

Me: “Uh… the computer is the laptop you just gave me. That’s just a monitor.”

Client: “But this is the computer!” 

I tried to explain, and she nodded along, but then she asked me why she couldn’t “just use it” while I fixed the laptop. To this day, I still don’t really understand what she thought.

I am a valet at a hospital. We offer free valet parking for patients, workers, and visitors, which is explained by a four-foot-tall sign on the front of our valet podium that says, “FREE VALET PARKING.”

One afternoon, a middle-aged lady with an elderly lady in the passenger seat pulls up to the valet podium and rolls her window down.

Driver: “Excuse me. How much is the valet parking?”

Glancing at the large sign in front of her, I reply:

Me: “It’s free, ma’am.”

She discusses my answer with her elderly counterpart.

Driver: “How free is it?”

Me: “Completely free.”

She discusses this answer with her partner-in-crime, as well.

Driver: “No, thanks.”

And she drove off.