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Don’t Baby-Talk Me

| Ottawa, ON, Canada | Bizarre, Health & Body

(Working in a hospital’s restaurant, I get asked where a lot of things are, most of the time where ER and the main doors are. The creepiest thing I’ve been asked is:)

Visitor: “So, where are the babies?”

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Already Failed The Test

| Nottingham, England, UK | Health & Body, Popular, Spouses & Partners

(Whilst waiting to be seen at the eye clinic, the optometrist comes over to a couple in front of us.)

Optometrist: “We need a new retinal scan of your husband’s eyes, Mrs.[Name]. Could you please take this form to room 19 and see the technician there, who will do the test.”

(Mrs. Name gets up and gathers her things together and starts out of the door.)

Optometrist: “Mrs. [Name]! You need to take your husband with you.”

Mrs. [Name]: “Why? Will he need to be there when they do the test?”

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Dealing With The Switchboard Horde

, | TX, USA | Bizarre, Popular

(The following calls are all in a row at the very beginning of my shift. Caller #1 is very elderly lady, #2 is middle aged lady, #3 is young man.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Hospital]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller #1: “MIKE?! Is that you? MIKE?!”

Me: “This is the operator; can you give me the last name of the patient?”

Caller #1: “I need Mike. Put Mike on the phone!”

(The caller then hangs up. I answer the next call:)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Hospital]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller #2: “Yes, could you please look out your window and tell me the name of the foot doctor across the street?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I don’t have a window in my office. Do you know the name of the doctor you are looking for? I could look it up on the Internet.”

Caller #2: “No, I don’t know his name. That is why I’m calling you. Could the security guard go outside and see if he can find a foot doctor over there.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but they are all patrolling the hospital and they wouldn’t be able to leave the property.”

(The caller then hangs up. I answer the next call:)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Hospital]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller #1: “Why do you keep answering the phone? I am trying to talk to my husband, Mike! Put him on the phone!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. What is your husband’s last name?”

Caller #1: “Do you not have sense?”

(The caller then hangs up. I answer the next call:)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Hospital]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller #3: “Can you help me? I can’t find my walis eefus.”

Me: “I’m sorry; are you looking for a patient?”

Caller #3: “No! I lost my walis effus getting out of the car and I thought someone turned them in.”

Me: “I’m not understanding. What did you lose? Can you spell that for me?”

Caller #3: “My walisssssssssssss eeeeeeefussssssssss! You know… my W-I-R-E-L-E-S-S … E-A-R-P-H-O-N-E-S!”

Me: “Let me put you through to lost and found.”

(I transfer the caller. I answer the next call:)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Hospital]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller #1: “MIKE?!”

Me: “…”

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