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Dealing With The Switchboard Horde

, | TX, USA | Bizarre, Popular

(The following calls are all in a row at the very beginning of my shift. Caller #1 is very elderly lady, #2 is middle aged lady, #3 is young man.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Hospital]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller #1: “MIKE?! Is that you? MIKE?!”

Me: “This is the operator; can you give me the last name of the patient?”

Caller #1: “I need Mike. Put Mike on the phone!”

(The caller then hangs up. I answer the next call:)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Hospital]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller #2: “Yes, could you please look out your window and tell me the name of the foot doctor across the street?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I don’t have a window in my office. Do you know the name of the doctor you are looking for? I could look it up on the Internet.”

Caller #2: “No, I don’t know his name. That is why I’m calling you. Could the security guard go outside and see if he can find a foot doctor over there.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but they are all patrolling the hospital and they wouldn’t be able to leave the property.”

(The caller then hangs up. I answer the next call:)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Hospital]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller #1: “Why do you keep answering the phone? I am trying to talk to my husband, Mike! Put him on the phone!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. What is your husband’s last name?”

Caller #1: “Do you not have sense?”

(The caller then hangs up. I answer the next call:)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Hospital]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller #3: “Can you help me? I can’t find my walis eefus.”

Me: “I’m sorry; are you looking for a patient?”

Caller #3: “No! I lost my walis effus getting out of the car and I thought someone turned them in.”

Me: “I’m not understanding. What did you lose? Can you spell that for me?”

Caller #3: “My walisssssssssssss eeeeeeefussssssssss! You know… my W-I-R-E-L-E-S-S … E-A-R-P-H-O-N-E-S!”

Me: “Let me put you through to lost and found.”

(I transfer the caller. I answer the next call:)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Hospital]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller #1: “MIKE?!”

Me: “…”

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Where’s A Real Live Robot When You Need One, Part 2

| Chicago, IL, USA | Bizarre, Technology

Me: “Good morning, my name is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

(Pause.)

Patient: *very slowly and clearly* “Um… request an appointment?”

Me: “Oh… I’m not a computer, ma’am.”

Patient: *shocked* “Oh! Goodness.”

Related:

Where’s A Real Live Robot When You Need One

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Nil By Brain

| AZ, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Popular

(I am waiting to get a cat scan and MRI at the hospital when I overhear the following:)

Nurse: “Did you get the instructions to prepare for the tests?”

Patient: “Yes.”

Nurse: “Did you see where it said that you can’t eat or drink before testing?”

Patient: “Yes.”

Nurse: “Have you eaten or drank anything today?”

Patient: “No, I haven’t.”

(The nurse is called away and the man sits facing a sign that says if you have eaten anything your test may need to be rescheduled. A new nurse approaches.)

Nurse #2: “Did you eat breakfast today?”

Patient: “No.”

Nurse #2: “Did you drink anything?”

Patient: “No.”

Nurse #2: “Did you take any medicine?”

Patient: “No.”

Nurse #2: “Not even ibuprofen?”

Patient: “No.”

Nurse #2: “So you haven’t eaten or drank anything today?”

Patient: “No.”

Nurse #2: “Not even water?”

Patient: “No.”

Nurse #2: “And you haven’t taken any medicine?”

Patient: “No, I haven’t.”

Nurse #2: “Okay.” *turns to leave*

Patient: “But I drank some milk when I took my medicine. And then I ate a plate of eggs.”

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