(My partner and I are both school teachers with a long commute. On weekend mornings we get up early for training, so a lie-in is a rare treat for us. This happens on our first Sunday lie-in in a long time. I am absolutely useless as a human being until my first cup of coffee in the morning. My partner lightly nudges me awake.)

Partner: “Hey, sweetheart.”

Me: “Mrrrphrrr.”

Partner: “It’s Sunday.”

Me: “Yay.”

Partner: “What shall we do?”

Me: “Mrrrphrrbrdrrr.”

Partner: “We could go to church? Or a healthy jog?”

Me: “Sure, sure, that sounds nice.”

Partner: “The only problem is you’re Jewish and you hate running.”

Me: “Oh, yeah.”

Partner: “Shall we go back to sleep, sweetheart?”

Me: “Mmmmkay, if you want.”

(He got a good laugh out of that one!)

(I am a foreign college student and I need to see a gynecologist for the first time. I also need to fill out a medical information form that’s all in Chinese.)

Receptionist: “Can you read Chinese?”

Me: “The basics, but I have trouble with medical vocab.”

Receptionist: “Okay, start filling what you can and come back when there’s no line.”

(I do so and the receptionist translates while I answer.)

Receptionist: “Okay, this says, ‘Are you sexually active?’”

Me: *circles yes*

Receptionist: “Okay, and this says, ‘What protection do you use? Check all applicable.’”

Me: “Okay, does it say, ‘dental dam,’ somewhere?”

Receptionist: “Huh?”

Me: “Um… for oral protection.”

Receptionist: “This is asking what you do to not get pregnant.”

Me: “So, it’s ‘contraceptive,’ not ‘protection’?”

Receptionist: “Same thing.”

Me: “No… It isn’t. Okay, where does it ask for the gender of my partner?”

Receptionist: “Gender?”

Me: “Yes. I’m sexually active with women, not men.”

Receptionist: *long pause, looks around as if for help* “Then you put, ‘No,’ for sexually active and skip these questions.”

Me: “Don’t you care about me getting STDs?”

Receptionist: “Huh?”

Me: “It means I can still get STDs, as I’m sexually active, but you want me to put, ‘No,’ for being sexually active.”

Receptionist: *blank stare* “Uh. Let me talk to the doctor.”

(I am not called back for a while, and when I am, it’s for the actual appointment.)

Doctor: “I’m sorry about the form. We never get people like you. Let’s continue.” *hands form back to me*

(I noticed next to the line asking about being sexually active, “lesbian” was written in, in English. She helped me fill the rest of the form, adding — in English — the details it didn’t support, with no further issues.)

This story is part of the misunderstood-lesbians-themed roundup!

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(I’m in a park in Hong Kong, where they have an aviary with a wide variety of exotic birds, including several species of parrots.)

Parrot: “Hello!”

(I see an older gentleman, presumably a tourist from Mainland China, yelling at this bird.)

Man: “Ni hao ma!”

Parrot: “Hello!”

Man: “Ni hao ma!”

Parrot: “Hello!”

Man: “NI HAO MA!”

Parrot: “Hello!”

Man: “NIIIIIIIIIIII HAOOOOOOO MAAAAAAAAAAA!”

(Good luck trying to teach Mandarin to a bird that can only speak English in a region that primarily speaks Cantonese!)

(A customer comes in and roughly throws a rechargeable card on the desk.)

Customer: “Hey! Top-up!”

Me: “Okay, how much?”

Customer: “One hundred.”

(Then he slams a huge bag of coins on the desk, and throws all of the coins out of the bag.)

Me: “Wow, are you just trying to tell me you want to pay the money with all these cents?”

Customer: “Yes, and what’s the problem?”

Me: “Do you know you can only pay within 2 dollars in cents? That’s the law.”

Customer: “That’s the money. Are you just refusing to count the coins?”

Me: “Yes, I am.”

Customer: “I got all these coins from here, and you are now refusing to take these back? Are you f****** kidding me?”

Me: “No one tells you not to spend your coins every time you got them from the store or someplace else, right? Did I or someone give you that much in once? Huh?”

Customer: “I don’t f****** care. Count it or not?”

(I refused to count the coins, and the customer just kept stalking around the store until my partner came by to help him.)

(I am a British-born Chinese. While I can speak basic Cantonese, I can not read it. I am visiting family in Hong Kong and meet my old grandmother in a small dim-sum restaurant. The menu is entirely written in Cantonese.)

Me: “Grandma, you order. I can’t read the menu.”

Grandma: “I’ve forgotten my glasses. I can’t read it either.”

Me: “What will we do?”

Grandma: “Just order tea for now. Your aunt should be along in a minute. She can order for us.”

(We order tea and wait for my aunt, who is being very tardy. The waiting staff are getting frustrated and come over to complain.)

Waiter: “Why are you not ordering? You’ve just been sitting here for 15 minutes drinking tea!”

(Finally, my aunt comes in.)

Aunt: “What is happening here? Why haven’t you ordered?”

Me: *loudly, and truthfully* “Because Grandma can’t see, and I can’t read!”

(My aunt bursts into laughter and tells the waiter that her family are ‘special’.)

This story is part of the Visiting Relatives roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

10 Cringeworthy Stories About Embarrassing Parents

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