Some Kids Think They’re All-Knowing

, , , , , | Related | January 28, 2020

(I’m with my father, sister, and two nephews, who are both under four.)

Sister: “Hey, [Nephew], tell us what you said to me last night about God.”

Nephew: “I know who God is; God is love.”

Dad: “That’s nice.”

Nephew: “Mom is God with you?”

Dad: “Huh?”

Nephew: “Because she loves you!”

Dad: “Aww, well, I’ll be God with you, too.”

(My nephew then starts to tackle his baby brother.)

Dad: “Hey, stop that! You be God with your brother.”


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Mansplaining Over Tea

, , , , , | Friendly | January 28, 2020

I’m female. I’m selling a tea set on a post-n-sell website. Since it’s a fairly common pattern and some people might want replacement parts, I list each piece individually (i.e. the teapot by itself, the tea cups as a set, etc.), before taking group shots to sell as one big set. Either way, I make money.

Just as I finish, I see a message notification. I’m excited that someone wants one of my listings so quickly. I click on it and see it’s from a guy, posted about five minutes ago. He writes, “Top tip for you: sell it as a set.” As I’m processing this, another message pops up from him: “Glad to see you took my advice.”

Nice to know Internet Guy doesn’t give in to his masculine insecurities so he can mansplain how to sell a tea set online.

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Suddenly, It Clicked

, , , , | Romantic | January 27, 2020

(I’m staying at my ex-partner’s house for the weekend early in the new year. Despite the breakup earlier this year, we’re still friends, and I enjoy spending time with them, their family, and especially their dogs: two miniature dachshunds, Rosie — aged two and a half years — and Henry — aged 13 months. One evening, as most are winding down for bed, I find a random plastic toy on the sofa’s armrest next to me. I tend to fidget with random objects, keeping my hands occupied while I watch stuff online. So, naturally, I start clicking the button on the random plastic toy. A few minutes later, my ex-partner comes down and grabs my attention.)

Ex-Partner: “Are you playing with the clicker?”

Me: “The what now?”

Ex-Partner: “The plastic clicker. It’s used to train the dogs.”

Me: “You can hear that?!”

Ex-Partner: “A: yes. B: it’s driving Rosie mad. She doesn’t know what she did wrong!”

(I quickly apologized, though my partner wasn’t angry with me, since I had no way of knowing what the random toy was. We’re still close friends, and I personally found the whole incident funny. I could practically hear the “womp-womp” music in the back of my head!)

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Kids Aren’t All Hugs And Kisses

, , , , | Related | January 27, 2020

(This happens when my nephew is barely two years old.)

His Dad: “Can I have a hug goodnight?”

Nephew: “NO. No hugs, no kisses! Go cry!”

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She’s Taking You For A Ride

, , , , | Friendly | January 27, 2020

(My friend loves horses and has been looking online to buy one. She is watching a video of a horse that she was thinking about getting.)

Friend: “That’s such a pretty horse! I love him! Like I have a crush on him.”

Me: “Uh…”

Friend: “You know, like a platonic crush. I love him and I want to ride him!”

Me: *starts laughing uncontrollably*

Friend: “You know what I mean. He’s just so pretty!”

(A minute later she starts looking though pictures of another horse.)

Friend: “Look at this horse. He’s so pretty; I love him!”

Me: ”Wow! Two boys in two minutes. You’re a bit of a player.”

Friend: “Wait, look at this horse! She’s beautiful; I want to ride her, too!”

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