Sometimes Parents Learn From Their Children

, , , , | Related | May 24, 2021

I’m visiting my mom and we’re looking in her refrigerator. There’s a cauliflower salad.

Mom: “I like it raw.”

Me: “Oh, good Lord, Mother, don’t say that.”

Mom: “Why?”

Me: “Ummm… Ummm…

Mom: “Is it something sexual?”

Me: “Yes, and thank you so much for not making me explain that to you.”

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Tow That Attitude All The Way Back Home

, , , , , | Friendly | CREDIT: Jayvel22 | May 24, 2021

I follow a car onto my tiny PRIVATE road. On this road, we pass a “Private Way” sign, multiple signs saying, “No Trespassing,” “No Parking,” “Parking for Residents Only,” and other variants of those signs. The car then pulls into my driveway. As I wait, thinking this person is just lost and turning around, which happens quite a bit, a woman gets out of the car and starts to walk past me.

It’s a strange driveway and parking area that’s actually across the street from my house, it is still my property. I spent over $10,000 having it professionally built up, leveled, and then paved. It’s mine, and it’s for my personal and work vehicles, my tenants, and our guests. I didn’t do all of this to be denied access by anyone.

Never wanting to assume arrogance, I treat everyone with the respect I would want them to treat me with. I put down the window.

Me: *Politely* “Excuse me, but that’s my spot. Could you move your car?”

Woman: *Giving me the finger* “Do something about it.”

Me: “That’s at least a hundred bucks.”

She then gets into my neighbor’s car. My neighbor’s knowledge of the property lines has been clearly established by her arrogance in the past, but instead of telling her friend to move, she drives off down the road. I then drive up to take the LAST available spot on my property, leaving nothing for one of my tenants despite there being FIVE empty spots at my neighbor’s house.

This woman clearly saw my neighbor’s car parked in the dirt parking area that isn’t on my property, PASSED the empty spot before my neighbor, my neighbor’s car, two or three more empty spots next to my neighbor, and two more cars, and parked in the clean paved area in front of my house next door.

I send a picture to a towing company, and about a half-hour later, the car is towed and impounded.

About six hours after that, the woman comes banging at my door.

Me: “You need to leave.”

Woman: “NO!”

She continued to refuse and was eventually removed forcibly by the police. She was also told to never return. She did return and was promptly arrested.

What she DIDN’T do, however, was ever even attempt to contact the impound yard to get her UNCLE’S car back. About fifty days later, after racking up almost $2,000 in impound fees, in lieu of payment, her uncle handed over the keys and signed the title over to the impound yard — my friend’s impound yard.

It takes about six weeks for a new title to come in, and the impound yard was getting overcrowded. Since I had just sold one of my cars and now had an empty spot, I offered to store the car at my house until the title came in. I never got the opportunity to see the woman’s face when she visited my neighbor again, but I imagine it was priceless.

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He’s Everything You Ever Want, Everything You Ever Need

, , , , , | Romantic | May 22, 2021

Me: “We should watch that circus movie starring not-Hugh-Grant.” 

Husband: “You mean The Greatest Showman with Hugh Jackman?” 

Me: *Laughing* “Yes. That’s the one!”

I love it when he knows what I’m talking about.

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It’s Nice To Be Nice To The Nice

, , , , , | Romantic | May 19, 2021

My boyfriend and I have just been intimate. We’re sitting on the bed chatting about it.

Boyfriend: “And you were all, ‘Tell me I’m bad! Tell me I’ve been bad!’ but I don’t— I just—”

He sputters a bit.

Boyfriend: *Flustered* “I don’t want to! You’re a nice lady!”

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We Looked It Up. Brayn Wende Fuzzy.

, , , , , , | Learning | May 19, 2021

I am taking a course on Middle English. It is very different from modern English, especially in its pronunciation. Seriously, nearly every letter in the alphabet was pronounced differently than now. Look up Chaucer or “Sir Gawain And The Green Knight” in its original form if you’re curious, especially an audio version, and prepare to not understand a word of it.

I am preparing for a written test later this week, for which we have to learn a long list of Middle English pronouns and verb tenses. (Another fun fact: these varied depending on the region, so there were a LOT more of them than nowadays.) For me, the easiest way to learn lists like this is to repeat them out loud until I can recite the entire thing without looking at the paper. Pacing or walking in circles also helps, and if I can find a sort of rhythm to the list, it becomes even easier.

So, there I am, walking circles around my room, repeating Middle English words in an almost chanting sort of way. I’m home alone and it’s warm, so I’ve left the door to my room open. I’m so in the studying zone, I don’t hear the front door open, nor the footsteps on the stairs nearing my door.

Me: “He, heo, theo, tho, thei…”

Suddenly, my housemate appears in my doorway, looking bewildered.

Housemate: “What are you doing?”

I’m thrown out of my rhythm, and the adjustment is difficult enough that my reaction isn’t the most helpful.

Me: “What does it look like?”

My housemate looks at the paper in my hand and the space I’ve cleared for pacing.

Housemate: “Summoning demons?”

Everything finally clicks in my mind. I realize how odd I must’ve looked to him, walking in circles and chanting in a strange language, and I burst out laughing. [Housemate] joins in, and when we’re done, I wave the paper at him.

Me: “Summoning demons is Latin; this is Middle English.”

I then explained that this was my way of studying. He seemed reassured that he did not share living space with a demon-worshipper, and I even aced that test. But I did try to study a little quieter after that, especially after I started studying Old English.

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