I had some repairs done on my house, which required digging near my gas line. So the gas had to be cut off for a few days. That meant no heat or hot water. 

Luckily, that week was warm, so we didn’t need the heat. And cold water wasn’t the end of the world. But to my mom, it was:

Mom: “When is the gas going to come back on?”

Me: “The repairs should be done today, so I’ll call the gas people as soon as the inspection is complete.”

Mom: “But how are you supposed to wash your clothes and dishes? You have no hot water!”

Me: “We can still use both the washer and dishwasher with cold water. It’s fine.”

Mom: “But you have no clean bowls left!”

Me: “Do you need a clean bowl right now? Wash it in the sink.”

Mom: “But you have no hot water!”

I looked at my mother, who grew up in a house that had no running water and was warmed by a wood stove. Then I made a big show of grabbing my biggest pot, filling it up with water, putting it on the stove, and turning on the unit.

Me: “Behold. Hot water.”

My mom opened and closed her mouth a few times. Then left to buy some paper bowls so we’d have “clean bowls”.

Having a free day for once in my life, I decided to shut myself off in my room and play Roller Coaster Tycoon. After spending nearly the entire day building a theme park and rides, I eventually come out of my room to eat, and my roommate gives me a very awkward look.

Roommate: “Earlier, I had to peek into your room to see what you were doing because I kept hearing what sounded like a little kid screaming!”

It was my girlfriend’s birthday, and we’d been out drinking. When we got back to her friend’s, where she was staying just after midnight, we were hungry and craving pizza, so we put in an online order at a pizza place that was open late. 

However, after we paid, the order tracker said that our pizza wouldn’t arrive until about 5 pm that evening.

We were confused and hungry, so we called up to see what was happening.

Girlfriend: “Hey, your website says you’re still open, but it also says our order isn’t going to be delivered until tomorrow- what’s going on there?”

Worker: “Oh, the system just registered it as a pre-order for when we open tomorrow because you ordered after midnight, but it is going to be delivered today- we just have to manually add it to today’s orders instead.”

That made sense to us, so we just waited for the pizza, and it all went off without a hitch.

However, the next day, just after opening time? We heard a knock at the door. It was the same order again! Evidently, while they’d manually added us to the orders from the night before, they hadn’t *removed* us from that day’s orders.

I’d paid online, so I basically ended up getting both orders for the price of one- thing is, at the time, my girlfriend was sofa surfing, and we were both broke. That extra order of pizza was like a birthday present from the universe at a time she was struggling immensely.

My partner is big and scruffy, and our cat ADORES HIM. The cat adores him so much that any time my partner gets into bed to even have so much as a quick snooze, this cat is ON TOP OF HIM, his paws either tucked under him in a loaf, or stretched straight out, eyes shut, purring like a well-oiled (very comfortable) machine.

One evening, my partner is on his phone in bed. He glances at the cat on top of him, who has one paw hanging straight off my partner’s belly at a very particular angle.

My partner is appalled.

Partner: “Sir! SIR! Are you sieging Heil?! WE DO NOT SIEG HEIL IN THIS HOUSE, SIR! That is illegal, sir! SIR!”

Of course, I have to get in on this, too.

Me: “Sir! You are causing a scene!”

With that outburst, the cat tilts his ears the tiniest bit. He then puts his other paw out to do a relatively good Superman impression. My partner nods and pats him on the head, crisis averted.

My mother had been laid off from two jobs in a row. She was debating with herself (and us) about going back to school to be a nursing assistant.

Mom: “I want to, but I don’t know. I’ll be nearly sixty when I graduate.”

Me: “How old will you be if you don’t graduate?”

She went back to school and finished her working career as a nursing assistant.