(I’m on the phone talking to my mother about a nightmare I had that night.)
Me: “Oh my gosh, Mom! It was one of the worst nightmares I’ve ever had! It was so bad that [boyfriend] woke me up because I was flailing and crying in my sleep. He was worried about me. Wasn’t that sweet of him?”
Boyfriend: *from the other room* “Hey! Don’t say that! I only woke you up because you were keeping me awake! How dare you accuse me of being kind to you!”
(I come downstairs in one of my boyfriend’s super old t-shirts that I always nag him about throwing out.)
Him: “That shirt’s full of holes!”
Me: “Yeah, but on me it looks sexy.”
Him: “Doesn’t it look sexy on me?”
Me: “On you, you like you’re a hobo. Possibly one that got in a fight with a possum. That you lost.”
Him: “Hey, I kicked that possum’s butt!”
(My boyfriend and I have both woken up extremely early. We’re laying in bed, trying to wake up.)
Boyfriend: “You did the funniest thing last night.”
Me: *smiling* “What’s that?”
Boyfriend: “You were sleep-talking.”
Me: *horrified* “What did I say?”
Boyfriend: “You were out killing zombies, while listening to Symphony X. Then, at some point you said you were riding on horseback with the Hunchback of Notre Dame. You said you were totally going to do him in front of Esmeralda.”
(I’m at my Grandma’s house for Christmas. I have my sketchpad to finish drawing my friend’s Christmas presents. My family is all “oohing” and “aahing” over my work.)
Uncle #1: “You’re pretty good.”
Me: “Thanks.”
Aunt: “Yeah, this is pretty impressive.”
Uncle #2: *whispering* “Notice how they keep saying it’s pretty good, but no one is saying you’re really good.”
This story is part of the Family-At-Christmas Roundup!
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(My preschool-aged niece is in trouble for biting. While we are all together, she bites her dad.)
Mother: “Stop that! Don’t bite daddy! If you want to bite someone, bite yourself!”
Daughter: “No! It hurts when I bite me!”
Mother: “Yeah, and it hurts daddy when you bite him!”
Daughter: “But it doesn’t hurt me!”
