(I am making my husband watch ‘The Two Towers’ for the first time. He learns that Dwarf women may have beards.)

Husband: “You know, I’m glad you don’t have a beard. But if you could grow one like Gimli’s, that would be kinda cool.”

Me: “What?”

Husband: “I mean, that would be really impressive, and if I could grow one like that I would. So, I’d be really proud of you.”

(My boyfriend and I have just had a rather huge fight. As we are making up, I am crying onto his shirt.)

Me: “Sorry for crying so much, baby!”

Boyfriend: *in a loving tone* “Don’t worry, you deserve to cry.”

(We’ve just returned from the bar, and my boyfriend is very affectionate when he’s drunk.)

Me: “You’re sexy!”

Boyfriend: “You’re lying, but that’s okay. I like you anyways!”

Me: “How much do you like me?”

Boyfriend: “I’ll give you five milkshakes. With REAL ice cream. And chocolate syrup!”

(I’m visiting my uncle’s house. His 15-year-old daughter is gabbing away on the phone. This apparently happens every evening. She finally finishes up.)

Uncle: “You spend a lot of time on that phone, sweetie. Do you consider it a job or a hobby?”

Cousin: “Neither, Dad. It’s a calling.”

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(My partner is about to go away for 3 days to a work function. We’ve been together 6 years and always miss each other like crazy.)

Partner: “Are you going to miss me? Twenty kisses for yes, one for no.”

(I burst out laughing before giving him thirty-plus kisses.)

Partner: “So…was that a yes or lots of no’s?”