(I am helping my mom set up a new online account.)
Me: “Okay, mom, your account is all set up.”
Mom: “What do the little numbers at the bottom of the screen mean?”
Me: “That just tells you who’s online.”
(I click it so she can see what I’m talking about. She ducks down.)
Mom: “Can they see me? I look terrible!”
Boyfriend: “I love you, baby.”
Me: *adoringly* “Hi… wait. That was supposed to be ‘I love you’, not ‘Hi’.”
Boyfriend: “That’s okay. You do that so often that I have just started translating ‘Hi’ to ‘I love you’ every time you say it. Like ‘As you wish’, from Princess Bride. You know, you’re kind of easy with all the people you seem to love. You said ‘Hi’ to that girl at the grocery store, the barista at Starbucks, even that homeless man! Should I be worried? Do we need to break up?”
Me: “As you wish.”
This story is included in our Princess Bride roundup!
(I have just come home and walk into in the lounge room where my roommate is sitting with his fiancée.)
Me: “Hey, is the air conditioning on?”
Roomate’s fiancée: “I don’t know…hang on a sec. I’ll check.” turns to roommate* “Honey? Take off your shirt.”
(My boyfriend comes into my room to find me lying on my bed with a heat-pack on my stomach.)
Boyfriend: “Aw, are you okay?”
Me: “Yeah, just cramps.”
Boyfriend: *gasps* “You’re pregnant?”
Me: “No. The opposite, stupid. You’re such a boy!”
(My sister has just gotten braces.)
Sister: “It’s a pain in the butt to clean braces.”
Dad: “If it’s a pain in your butt, then you are doing it way wrong.”
