(My new boyfriend and I are lying on the couch watching a movie. He and I are very ticklish, and somehow a tickle-war erupts. I discover he’s VERY ticklish on his pecs.)

Boyfriend: “So, I have a question…is your chest as ticklish as my pecs?”

Me: “You wish, but no.”

Boyfriend: “Damn.”

(Note: I am incredibly short.)

Him: “Hehe, midget…”

Me: “Really? That’s all you have to say?”

Him: “That’s what I say every time I talk about you!”

(He leans over and puts his head on my shoulder.)

Me: “I hope you didn’t come all the way over here for a kiss after that!”

Him: “But I love you! Also, I have a present for you.”

Me: “Oh, really?”

Him: “Yeah!” *farts* “It might be a fart!”

Me: “Oh god, get off me!”

(We’ve decided to do a low-key marriage, so we’ve hired a guy to do all of the legal paperwork at our home.)

Me: “I do.”

Hubby: “I do.”

(The paperwork guy gets all of the signatures and takes off. I open a bottle of Prosecco and serve it to our witnesses, and find that my new hubby has taken off.)

Me: “What are you doing?!”

Hubby: “I had to update my Facebook relationship status.”

(I tried to be angry, but it was kind of sweet!)

(Note: My boyfriend enjoys teasing me playfully, especially about my weight. Sometimes, however, he goes a little far.)

Boyfriend: “Wow…watching you is like watching a plate of jello jiggle.”

Me: “Fine! You don’t have to see it then!”

(I storm out of the room, only for my boyfriend to chase after me. He catches up and hugs me close to him.)

Boyfriend: “You know I love you more than anything else in this world, right? ”

(He leans in and kisses me on the lips, but as he pulls away a huge loogie escapes from his mouth and lands on my face.)

Me: “Ugh! You just drooled on me!”

(He leans in close for another kiss. He has a serious look on his face.)

Boyfriend: “Shhhh…it’s a gift!”

(My boyfriend and I are cuddling in bed one night and discussing what kind of parents we’ll be.)

Boyfriend: “I’m going to be that dad that greets his daughter’s boyfriend with a shotgun.”

Me: “What if our daughter is a lesbian?”

Boyfriend: “Way to burst my bubble, hon.”