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Where Politically Correct Dreams (Don’t) Come True

| Related | January 21, 2012

(My cousin’s daughter is playing with her Disney princess toy set. My adult sister is playing with her. I come and join in.)

Cousin’s Daughter: “It’s time for Cinderella to go to bed!”

(She begins to strip Cinderella of her dress and places her facedown on the bed, naked.)

Me: “Uh…Cinderella can’t sleep like that.”

Cousin’s Daughter: “Why?”

Me: “Well, she’s facedown on the pillow. She won’t be able to breathe.”

Cousin’s Daughter: *ignoring me* “And now Ariel and Jasmine have to find a place to sleep!”

Sister: “But, there’s only one bed! Where will they sleep?”

Cousin’s Daughter: “Together!”

(She proceeds to strip Ariel and Jasmine, and places them on top of each other.)

Me: “Uh…”

Sister: “Is that really an appropriate way for them to sleep?”

Cousin’s Daughter: “Yep!”

Me: *aside to my sister* “I can’t take this. I’m going to lose it.”

Sister: “Don’t you dare leave me alone with her.”

Cousin’s Daughter: *picking up Tiana* “And now, it’s time for Tiana to go to bed! Oh dear, there’s no more room in the house.”

Me: “So, what now?”

Cousin’s Daughter: “Oh, she can sleep outside.”

(My sister and I are both holding back laughter.)

Me: *aside to my sister* “She’s making the black princess sleep outside. On the ground.”

Sister: “She’s four… give her a break.”

(Our cousin, the young girl’s mother comes over.)

Cousin: *to her daughter* “Aw, honey. Are you and your aunties having fun?”

(She notices dolls still in their positions.)

Cousin: “What… what’s going on with your princesses, dear? Why are they all naked?”

Me: *to my sister* “Now’s our chance! Run!”

This story is part of our Terrible Cousins roundup!

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Making Baby Steps

| Romantic | January 20, 2012

(I am talking to my fiancé.)

Me: “We’ll make a baby one day. But, not for a while.”

Fiancé: “It takes a lot more than one day to make a baby.”

Me: “Well, we can get the process started in one day.”

Fiancé: “No, we can do the prep work in one day. There’s still a lot of cooking to do!”

Putting You Heart Into A Relationship

| Romantic | January 20, 2012

(For our anniversary, my husband gives me a card in which he’s written his own verse.)

Card: “My internal organs are being crushed by my heart, because it is so full of love for you.”

He’s On The Hogwarts Debate Team

| Related | January 20, 2012

(The kids are running around the house pretending to be wizards.)

5-year-old son: *pointing a wand at me* “Expelliarmus!”

Me: *not holding a wand* “You can’t disarm someone if they’re not armed.”

5-year-old son: “You have arms!”

Love Sound Bytes Sound Right

| Romantic | January 19, 2012

(Sometimes when we go to bed, I ask my husband to tell me something ‘lovey-dovey’.)

Me: “Hey, tell me either one really good one, or two so-so ones. And look me in the eyes when you say them!”


Husband: *rolls over and looks me in the eyes* “I love you. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. If that’s not good enough, then you can get up, close the door, and sleep on the couch. Just please turn off the light on your way out.”

Me: *laughing uncontrollably*