(My Dad has a unique sense of humor, and always leaves notes when he and Mom knew they’d be gone when I get home from school. I find this one when getting back from high school.)

Note: “We went into town to knock off a couple of banks. Don’t worry, we took the Abrams, so we’ll be safe. ~Knuckles & Sweetpea.”

(My dad never knows what’s on TV, and my mum is unable to remember show & film names or where are they broadcast, so usually they ask me.)

Dad: “What’s on TV tonight?”

Mum: “I think there’s a film, but I can’t remember the name or the channel.”

(They both stare at me, expecting I’ll have the answers.)

Me: “Uh, all I remember is Twilight at channel 3.”

Mum: “Dear, I said film, not crap.”

(My two-year-old son hears some thunder.)

Son: “Daddy, what’s that noise?”

Dad: “That’s thunder.”

Son: *knowingly* “Ah, Thor. His hammer did that.”

(I’m a senior in high school. I’ve been home all day, as there is no school due to a holiday. I am having dinner with my parents.)

Mom: “So, what did you do today?”

Me: “Not much. [Attractive female friend] came over and we worked on physics homework.”

Mom: “You were in your room alone with a girl when no one was home?!”

Me: “No. We were in the dining room.”

(A few moments of silence.)

Dad: “I never understood how people could find it comfortable on a table.”

Mom: “Especially with the light fixture hanging down.”

(I practically run from the table.)

(Note: this happened when I was about 4 years old. I was doing something I shouldn’t.)

Mom: “Young man, you stop that right now or you’re going to have to take the consequences.”

Me: *thinks for a bit* “Okay. I’ll take them. But I’m not giving them back!”