(I am about 4 years old. My mother has noticed a policeman strolling down the street. Being a nosy neighbour, she wants to know what house number he is looking for. She takes me aside.)

Mum: “I want you to sneak outside and find out what door number the policeman is knocking on.”

Me: *enthusiastically* “Okay, Mum!”

(I proceed to go outside and do exactly what my mum wants, albeit not in the fashion she expected. I walk right up to the policeman.)

Me: “Excuse me! What door number are you looking for?”

Policeman: *pause* “Uhm… Number twelve.”

Me: “Thank you!”

(I then turn around on the spot facing my house, but still standing right next to the policeman.)

Me: *shouting at the top of my lungs* “Mum! Mum! He’s knocking at number twelve, mum!”

(My Dad has a unique sense of humor, and always leaves notes when he and Mom knew they’d be gone when I get home from school. I find this one when getting back from high school.)

Note: “We went into town to knock off a couple of banks. Don’t worry, we took the Abrams, so we’ll be safe. ~Knuckles & Sweetpea.”

(My dad never knows what’s on TV, and my mum is unable to remember show & film names or where are they broadcast, so usually they ask me.)

Dad: “What’s on TV tonight?”

Mum: “I think there’s a film, but I can’t remember the name or the channel.”

(They both stare at me, expecting I’ll have the answers.)

Me: “Uh, all I remember is Twilight at channel 3.”

Mum: “Dear, I said film, not crap.”

(I have just woken up next to my wife, whom I have only been married to for a couple of months. I start to pick my nose. After a few minutes of working at it, I feel her move and worry that she caught me picking my nose. I look over to find her finger knuckle deep in her own nose, looking at me. I just smile.)

Me: “I love you.”

(My husband and I are making dinner. As I walk past him, he pinches me, and I make a weird sound.)

Husband: “You sound like a pterodactyl!”

Me: “Hmph!”

Husband: “…a very cute, dainty pterodactyl!”

Me: *flapping my arms as I walk out to the table* “Beats being a T-Rex.”

Husband: “We’re meatless tonight anyway.”