(My boyfriend and I are watching Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince with my mother. My boyfriend notoriously tends to like the bad guys in movies because they are funnier to watch.)

Me: “So, if you were in Draco Malfoy’s position, which side would you take?”

Mum: “Well, Malfoy can’t take sides. He’s stuck.”

Boyfriend: *fist pumping the air* “Harry’s side!”

(My mum and I look at him.)

Boyfriend: “What? Voldemort kills Unicorns! He must be destroyed!”

(I share a flat with my best friend and my boyfriend. My best friend and I are well known for being very intense. My boyfriend tends to be quite laidback and can handle it all very well. However, when we get too intense, even for him, he tends to zone out and just agree to whatever we say.)

Best friend: “We should totally just run London. The world would be so much better if we just ruled something.”

Boyfriend: “Yeah.”

Me: “We would totally make everything awesome. They would play Charlie the unicorn non-stop at Trafalgar square!”

Boyfriend: “Yeah, it would be awesome.”

(He hates Charlie the unicorn, so I figure he’s not listening to us anymore.)

Me: “Babe, are you on facebook on your phone, chatting up other girls because you think I’m insane and fat?”

Boyfriend: “Yeah, you’re both, but mostly insane.”

(A look of absolute horror crosses his face as he contemplates what he’s just said. He gets up, grabs a spoon and heads for the door.)

Best friend: “Where are you going?!”

Boyfriend: “Digging myself a hole to live in for the rest of my life. It was fun knowing you.”

(My boyfriend and I have just been making out on the couch to the extent that my hair is pretty messed up, basically sticking straight up on my head. When we stop, he looks at me lovingly and smiles.)

Boyfriend: “You look like a sexy troll doll!”

(My husband and I are at my parents for a long weekend. My mom (who really can’t cook) has been making every meal all weekend. It’s now Sunday around brunch time. My husband walks into the kitchen to find my mom about to make scrambled eggs, but in the microwave.)

Husband: *to my mom* “You’ve done so much for us this weekend. Let me finish this up. You go out and get started on brunch.”

(My mom heads out to the dining room and makes herself a bagel. My husband makes scrambled eggs on the stove, brings them to the dining room table, and sits down. We all eat, and my dad speaks up.)

Dad: *to my mom* “These are the best eggs you’ve ever made!”

(I have just woken up from a dream and am telling my boyfriend about it.)

Me: “I had a horrible dream! You tried to kill me my lying on top of me and squishing me so I couldn’t breathe!”

Him: “Well you must have done something to deserve it!” *tries to roll on top of me*