(I love to wake up my wife instead of letting her use an annoying alarm clock.)

Me: “Honey, its 6:00. Time to get up.”

Wife: *mutters*

Me: “You want to mash the snooze button?”

Wife: “Yes!”

Me: “How much more sleep do you want?”

Wife: *staring at me demurely* “You will know when I have had enough sleep.”

(My boyfriend tends to talk in his sleep a lot. This morning, I have woken up before him, and I am sitting in bed working on my computer. I tend to sing when I’m working.)

Me: *singing quietly* “If you walk out on me…I’m walking after you…”

Boyfriend: *in his sleep* “One day, when I get super-rich, I’ll buy you Dave Grohl.”

(The guy I’m seeing and I are laying in bed after a love making session. All of this is still relatively new to me, so I ask him if I could have done anything better.)

Him: “I enjoyed it, but I felt like you were too tense. Every time I went to do something different, you would get jumpy. You need to relax. You were like a caffeinated squirrel.”

Me: “A caffeinated squirrel?”

Him: “My cute caffeinated squirrel!”

(My boyfriend and I are getting intimate and a little touchy, and all of a sudden my cat starts to meow and rub up against him. My boyfriend loves my cat, so he starts to pet him.)

Boyfriend: “Look. I’m playing with two pus—”

Me: “Don’t even finish that sentence.”

(My mom is outside doing yard-work in the nasty humid heat. She wants the rest of the family to come out and help her.)

Dad: “She’s out there in it, so we better be too.”

Me: “So, if Mom jumped off a bridge, we would all have to?”

Dad: “Hey, not if she jumps first!”