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You’d Butter Follow Your Own Advice

| Related | December 12, 2011

(I always forget to put the butter away after making my toast, and my parents (usually my dad) always remind me to. They stress how when I’m out on my own, I won’t have anyone to remind me. Furthermore, they always tell me not to leave any food under the stove lights. On this particular morning, I remembered and am just putting the lid back on the butter when my dad walks in.)

Dad: “Hey, don’t put it away! I need to use it.”

Me: “Okay…I was just putting the lid on it, since you guys are always reminding me.”

(I leave the kitchen as Dad starts to use the butter on his toast. I come back to the kitchen a couple hours later. The butter has been left on the counter, under the stove lights, almost completely melted.)

Me: *facepalm*

Dating Sheldon Cooper

, , , , , | Romantic | December 12, 2011

(I have been dating my boyfriend for a few months and want to tell him how I am feeling. My boyfriend is doing a PhD in math and is extremely, painstakingly accurate about everything.)

Me: “You make me really happy. I’ve really enjoyed the time we’ve been spending together. I feel really strongly about you.”

(My boyfriend nods and smiles. I wait expectantly for a response, but he just looks confused.)

Me: “Well? Don’t you feel the same as I do?”

Boyfriend: “No.”

Me: “What?! Why not?”

Boyfriend: “Well, I feel analogous to what I perceive to be the way you feel. Since I am not you, and therefore cannot experience your feelings directly, I cannot say that I feel the same as you do because I can never know exactly how you feel. I feel that what I understand you to be describing as your experience is something that I agree with and relate to, but it would be inaccurate to say that I ‘feel the same’.”

This story is part of the Nerds In Love roundup!

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Getting Between Man And His Best Friend

| Romantic | December 9, 2011

(I am browsing on my spartphone when my girlfriend approaches with a concerned look on her face.)

Her: “Babe, I’m sorry. I have to have this conversation. Your dog has got to go.”

Me: “What! Why?”

Her: “He doesn’t like me, he growls all the time. And he eats my very expensive shoes!”

Me: “No way! I love that Dog!”

Her: “And you don’t love me?”

Me: “Sure, but he costs me less!”

Love: The Final Frontier

| Romantic | December 8, 2011

(My boyfriend and I are courting via Skype. I am an ex-Trekkie. We are discussing what I last recall watching of DS9. He’s more of a Star Wars nerd, so I’m watching for when his eyes glazing over.)

Me: “I remember one season, there was a visitor to DS9. She really, really fancied Q and Odo, and caused all sorts of problems. I can’t remember who she was or the episode or the season.”

(I flail geekily.)

Boyfriend: *sigh* “Lwaxana Troi.”

(We pause, followed by a mutual silence.)

Me: “I think I just had a geekgasm. Thank you.”

Boyfriend: “Want to see my collection of Star Trek autobiographies? I even have Grace Lee Whitney’s!”

Not Quite A Dream Job

, , , , , , | Romantic | December 8, 2011

(It is Sunday morning, after Black Friday. I have been working retail all weekend and I am worn out to the max.)

Me: “I had some crazy dreams.”

Boyfriend: “Apparently, you were checking people out.”

Me: “What?!”

Boyfriend: “You woke me up, and said, ‘Your total is $34.98. Do you have any coupons?'”

Me: “Oh, my God, no way!”

Boyfriend: “I shook you so you’d wake up a little and dream about something else. I just knew I couldn’t let you dream that.”

This story is part of our Black Friday roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

14 Times Employees Had To Fight For Their Lunch Break


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