(My boyfriend is telling a story about a girl he knew at university who apparently fancied him. The feeling was not mutual.)
Boyfriend: “I mean, she was very attractive. But she was kind of annoying, and dumb as a post.”
(He kisses me.)
Boyfriend: “I’d rather have a girlfriend who’s intelligent.”
(There is a brief pause, and then his face takes on an ‘oh-crap’ expression.)
Boyfriend: “…and beautiful! Intelligent and beautiful!”
(My mom and I are eating hot dogs. My cat comes up to us.)
Cat: “Meow?”
Me: “I’m not giving you my hot dog.”
Cat: “Meow?”
Me: “No, kitty. Just because it’s made of meat doesn’t mean you’re entitled to it.”
Mom: “That’s what he said.”
Mom: “If you don’t feel like being alone in your room, you could go mow the front lawn. It’s not your chore, but you could.”
Me: “So, I’d be alone on the front lawn?”
Mom: “Well, yes, but you could wave at one of the neighbors?”
(My brother-in-law just completed the Zombie Run, a combination five-kilometer cross country, meets flag football type of race. If the zombies grab all your flags, you’re considered ‘eaten’ and can choose to continue and finish the race, but not get any prizes. My husband and I are attempting to explain it to my mother.)
Me: “He finished in the top 50 out of thousands of racers. That’s pretty impressive.”
Husband: “Yeah, but he got eaten, so it doesn’t really count.”
Mom: *gasp* “When is the funeral!?”
(I’m finally moving into my long distance boyfriend’s apartment. I have a majority of my stuff over there, but I still live at my place.)
Boyfriend: “Hey, I helped you unpack a little!”
(He sends a picture of his TV with my Playstation 3 home screen on it.)
Me: “You unpacked my PS3?”
Boyfriend: “Yup! and set it up too! Now it has Netflix.”
Me: “Awesome. Now, there is a box labelled ‘Videogames’ you can unpack too!”
Boyfriend: “Nah, I’ll let you handle that.”
