(It is in the summer, and there are scattered showers around even though it’s sunny out. It begins raining and I can see right out the window to my left.)
Me: “Oh, wow. It’s raining!”
Dad: “Where?”
Me: *pause* “…Outside?”
Dad: “Oh. How can you tell?”
Me: “…I can see it?”
Dad: “Oh.”
Me: “Makes sense, doesn’t it?”
Dad: “Shut up.”
(I am really tired, and my boyfriend decides to be romantic by singing me to sleep. He starts singing ‘Follow Me’ by Uncle Cracker.”)
Me: “Are you really serenading me with a song about cheating?”
Boyfriend: “What? No.”
Me: “Listen to the lyrics”
Boyfriend: “…D***!”
(My mom and I are planning my birthday party. I am about to turn legal drinking age, and my mom speaks with a Korean accent.)
Mom: “How many of your friends are coming? I need to know because I want to make sure the keg is big enough.”
Me: *ecstatically* “A keg?! Really?!”
Mom: “Yep! It’s your big day, after all.”
Me: “Oh, h*** yes!”
(Fast-forward a few weeks, on my birthday. Most of my friends have arrived, and they’ve been looking forward to the keg as much as I have.)
Me: “Mom, just about everyone’s here. Can we bring out the keg now?”
Mom: “Sure! I’ll be with you shortly.”
Me: “Don’t you need any help? If you want, [friend] and I can carry it over here.”
Mom: *glares at me* “What? Relax, I’ll be fine. It’s your birthday!”
Me: “Are you sure? Isn’t it pretty heavy?”
Mom: “It’s okay! Just go play with your friends!”
Me: “Okay, if you say so…”
(A few minutes later, my mom came back with a CAKE. Fortunately, my friends were very forgiving!)
(It’s around 2 AM and my dad is surfing online, when Max, our Chihuahua, runs into the living room and puts his front paws on my dad’s knee.)
Dad: *looks down at Max* “What is it, little buddy?”
(He runs to my parents’ room, then quickly runs back into the living room. He looks at my dad, and wags his tail.)
Dad: “What do you want, Max?”
Me: “Daddy, I think Max is saying that it’s time for you to come to bed.”
(He wags his tail, then runs up to my dad and puts his front paws on my dad’s knee again, and whines.)
Dad: “It is late, isn’t it?” *he sighs as he pats Max’s head* “Okay, okay. I’m coming.”
(He gets up and follows Max into the bedroom.)
Me: *shaking my head and laughing* “Good boy, daddy! Good boy!”
(I am in my first year of pharmacy school, and have worked at a pharmacy for 5 years. My sister is talking to me about a recent surgery she had.)
Sister: “They gave me that Michael Jackson drug to put me under! Depo-Provera!”
Me: “No they didn’t.”
Sister: “How do you know?”
Me: “They were removing a cancerous spot, not trying to get you pregnant!”
