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Hair Apparent, Frustratingly Senescent

| Romantic | September 26, 2011

(I’m sitting outside, relaxing in the sun with my youngest daughter, when my sweet husband comes out the front door to talk to me. He looks down at us and pauses before going back inside.)

Husband: “You know honey, the way you’re sitting there with the sun shining on your hair, I just realized…”

(I smile at him affectionately, anticipating the compliment he is about to pay me.)

Husband: “You’re getting really gray-headed, old woman!”

 

Hair Apparent, Forgetfulness Deterrent

| Romantic | September 15, 2011

(My boyfriend and I have only been dating a week or so, and have only known each other a few days longer. I am a blonde, albeit a very dark blonde.)

Boyfriend: “You know, I’ve been thinking about this tall, gorgeous, brunette woman all day.”

Me: “Oh, really? And who would that be?”

(He’s never gotten my hair color wrong again.)

The Chains Of Love

| Romantic | September 13, 2011

Boyfriend: “Why didn’t you do the washing up and hoovering while I was out?”

Me: “It’s your turn to wash-up. I did hoover, but it’s hard to get all the hair from your dog up.”

Boyfriend: “That’s no excuse! I expect the house to be spotless when I come home! Spotless!”

(Our friends turned up later to find the front door open and my boyfriend handcuffed to the sink. From what I hear, he was very upset. Not surprisingly, we are no longer together.)

Sweethearts Sans Sweets

| Romantic | September 9, 2011

(This happens just after Father’s Day, as my siblings and I always get our father a special “Dad’s Bag” from a well-known Australian retailer. It includes an assortment of candies and chocolates.)

Mum: “You going to share your chocolate with me?”

Dad: “Sure…”

(My dad starts sorting through the chocolate, while mum waits expectantly.)

Dad: “Hmm, not this one. I love these ones…”

(My dad keeps sorting, while mum continues to wait patiently.)

Dad: “Not this one either…”

(Finally, my dad reaches deep in bag, and looks back at my mum.)

Dad: “Oh, here you go! I’ll share this with you!”

Mum: *excitedly* “Oooh, what is it?

Dad: “The card!”

Mum: *not so excited*


This story is part of our Father’s Day roundup.

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Let Me Give You A Pizza My Mind

, , , , | Right | February 11, 2011

(I work at a pizza place that is within walking distance of my house. Our house number and the number for the restaurant are identical except that two numbers are swapped, so occasionally people accidentally call my house number. It is a Sunday, which is the one day the restaurant is closed.)

Me: “Hello?”

Caller: “Yes, hi. Can I get two large pepperoni–”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, you have the wrong number. [Restaurant] is clo-”

Caller: “No, this is [Restaurant]! I recognize your voice! Don’t lie to me!”

Me: “I’m sure you do, because I work there. But this is my house number, and it’s my day off because [Restaurant] is closed today. If you call the right number–”

Caller: “No, you’re not closed today! Now put in my f****** order!”

(I hang up on the guy because I do not like his attitude. He calls again, and I answer, this time with my dad listening in from the other room.)

Caller: “You hung up on me!”

Me: “Yes, sir, I did. You have the wrong number, and the restaurant is closed.

Caller: “Get me the owner! I’m having you fired!”

Me: “Sir, he does not live with me and therefore I cannot.”

Caller: “You stupid b****! Who the f*** do you think you are?!”

(The guy starts screaming obscenities. My dad has been listening in and has had enough.)

Dad: “Sir, if you’ve got a problem, you’re going to have to deal with me!”

Caller: “Is this the manager?! Great! I want–”

Dad: “No, this is her father. This is a private residence and I don’t want you calling here again. And if you have a problem with that, I want you to say it to my face.”

Caller: “Fine! I’ll be right there!” *click*

(The guy drove out to the restaurant, where my dad decided to wait for him outside. My father is 6’6″ and weighs nearly 300 lbs. I saw the guy pull up to see my dad and the closed sign right behind where he was standing. The guy’s face turned completely white and he jumped back in his car and sped off. When I went back to work the next day, the guy came in for an order. He left a note of apology and a $20 tip in the tip jar.)


This story is part of our Hilarious Wrong Number roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

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