(About ten years ago, my grandma had just moved to live near her two daughters in Kansas. My uncle had given her an old computer that he set up for email.)

Grandmother: “Scott, set up email on the computer, so you kids can send me pictures and letters.”

Me: “That’s awesome, Grammy. What’s your email address? I’ll send you something now.”

Grandmother: “I don’t know… Scott told me what it was, but then he moved the computer downstairs, so I’m sure the address is different!”

(My girlfriend’s sister thinks she can do better than me, and regularly tries to get her to find someone else. One of her arguments is that I didn’t do romantic things.)

My Girlfriend: “Hey, so what are we doing tonight?”

Me: “Well, I thought we go for dinner and maybe walk around the beach?”

My Girlfriend: “But that means I’d have to put pants on and that honestly seems like a hassle.”

Me: “Okay, then! Plan 2! We go to our favorite burger place, come home, and play video games in our underwear!”

My Girlfriend: “Best. Plan. Ever.”

(We have been going out now for almost 2 years. Her sister doesn’t bother her anymore.)

(When I was 10, lightning struck a tree in our backyard, killing it. Two years later, my grandfather randomly decides to come over and cut it down. My dad teaches at the junior high I attended, and we arrive home at the same time, converging on the driveway.)

Me: “What’s that noise?”

Dad: “Sounds like a chain saw.”

(We look at my grandfather’s truck in the driveway and run through the gate to our back yard. My grandfather is, in fact, dangling from the top of the dead tree with one arm and holding a running chainsaw with the opposite hand.)

Dad: “Dad! What the h*** are you doing?!”

Grandfather: “Shut up, boy, and get me a ladder!”

(There was no way he was getting down without one, since he’d cut off all the branches on the way UP!)

(I live part time with my boyfriend and his dad. Part of the reason why we work is because we don’t believe in gender stereotypes and have accepted each others feminine and masculine traits. His dad comes in the living room/dining area of our apartment. I’m sitting on the couch drinking beer and playing videogames while his son is baking cookies.)

Dad: *to his son* “Son, one day you will make a fine wife.”

(He looks at me.)

Dad: *to me* “And one day, you will make a useless husband.”

(I love watching my boyfriend play ‘Black Ops’, but I am terrible at first-person shooters, and he is an ace, so I never challenge him. I also refuse to join him online so I won’t bring his team down. He has talked me into playing with him offline.)

Boyfriend: “You can run all you want but you won’t get away!” *he snipes my character* “Ha! Got you!”

Me: *rolls eyes* “Yes, you got me again. I don’t see why you’re enjoying this so much. It’s not like I’m a challenge.”

Boyfriend: “Yeah, but I like playing with you. It’s fun seeing you trying to get away from me.”

Me: “Okay.”

(He’s hot on my tail again, so I start dropping claymores and detonate them randomly as I run. He’s so caught up in chasing me that he doesn’t realize what I’m doing and gets blown up by a stray claymore.)

Boyfriend: “What? Wait! How’d you kill me? I was right behind you!”

Me: *laughing hysterically* “I killed you and I wasn’t even trying!”

Boyfriend: *grins* “Maybe you should play online with me. I could use you as bait or a last resort!”