(My sister is notorious in the family for having OCD. She is unpacking a box set of mini cereal boxes for her breakfast for the week.)
Me: “What are you doing?”
Sister: “Unpacking my breakfast for the week.”
Me: “You’ve been doing that for 10 minutes. What’s taking you so long?”
Sister: “Don’t question me!”
(She continues un-stacking and restacking her cereal.)
Me: “What are you… oh my gosh, are you stacking them in the order you want to eat them?!”
Sister: *insulted* “No! I’m not stacking them in…” *look of defeat* “Okay, yes…”
(I starts cracking up.)
Sister: *shouting* “Shut up! It’s hard to decide what you want for breakfast all week!”
(My fiancé and I have just arrived to his place. We’ve entered his room, and are planning on playing ‘Minecraft’ on split-screen on Xbox 360.)
Fiancé: “Where do you want to sit?”
(I sit on his beloved desk chair.)
Fiancé: “No! That’s my chair!”
Me: “Not anymore.”
Fiancé: “But it’s my 360!”
Me: “But I have the boobs.”
Fiancé: “I… can’t argue with that.”
(My grandmother drinks a shot of cognac every day for health reasons. One day, my aunt is hosting a non-alcohol party, but makes an exception for grandma since she hasn’t had her shot yet that day.)
Aunt: “But only this one. We don’t want you to get drunk and do something stupid, do we?”
Grandmother: *in affronted voice* “I can do stupid perfectly well while I’m sober!”
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(My boyfriend and I are cuddling in bed in a hotel while we are trying to figure out what to do with our free time before dinner.)
Boyfriend: “So, I was thinking…”
(He lapses into a long silence and then yawns. I wait for him to continue but he stares off into space as if he never started speaking.)
Me: “You’re mind is so very interesting.”
Boyfriend: “What?”
Me: “You said ‘So, I was thinking…’ and then never finished your thought.”
Boyfriend: “Oh! Yeah! I was thinking that…”
(He gets distracted by the sounds of people walking by. I try to get him to verbalize his idea but after 15 minutes I still haven’t heard what it is. I’m getting frustrated.)
Me: “Jeez! Let’s just go get an early dinner! I don’t care about your idea anymore!”
Boyfriend: “Hey! That was my idea!”
(My brothers and me are close in age so we all hit puberty at roughly the same time, much to my parents’ joy. Mum is dropping us off, and gives us her most impressive ‘don’t try to be smart with me now’ look.)
Mum: “You kids, behave!”
Me: “Sure, mum. Our best behaviour, or our worst?”
