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An Extra Birth Is Worth The Mirth

| Related | January 4, 2012

(I am 13 months younger than my older sister and was, suffice it to say, unplanned.)

Me: “I would never want to have kids so close together. Two years at least, I think.”

Dad: “Well, what can I say. You were kind of an accident.”

Mom: “Honey, don’t tell her that! She’ll think we didn’t want her!”

Dad: “Okay, dear.” *looks at me* “You weren’t an accident.”

Mom: “Thank you!”

Dad: “You were more of an ‘Oh, crap!’”

Mom: “Honey!”

(At this point I am laughing too hard to even protest.)

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Independent Thought Is Dangerous

| Related | January 4, 2012

(My in-laws and I are sitting around at Thanksgiving. My sister-in-law, as if suddenly having some sort of epiphany, jumps up shouting.)

Sister-in-law: “I just found out the United States is the only country that celebrates the 4th of July. Can you believe that?!”

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A Real Chirp On Your Shoulder

| Related | January 3, 2012

(It’s my day off and I’m during the day it’s usually just my grandparents home. They’re watching a movie. We have lots of pets, four of them are parrots. One of them likes to join conversations.)

Grandpa: “What just happened?”

Grandma: “He just when shoot dah guy!”

Parrot: “Huh?”

Grandma: *shouting* “I said he just when shoot dah guy!”

Grandpa: “I heard you dah first time!”

Parrot: “What?”

Grandpa: “I said I already heard you!”

Grandma: “Why are you yelling at me? I’m not deaf!”

Parrot: “Why?”

(From here it dissolves to bickering, meanwhile all four parrots start laughing. Best day off ever.)

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Not So Sweet Ending

| Romantic | January 3, 2012

(I am laying in bed with my boyfriend of only a few months, and my stomach starts to growl.)

Boyfriend: “Honey, you’re hungry. Let’s get dressed and I’ll take you to dinner.”

Me: “Okay. And I like “honey”. As old as I am, I’ve never had a pet name before. I’ve never been a ‘baby’, or a ‘honey’.”

Boyfriend: “Oh. Well, I’ve just always called my girlfriends honey.”

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Fathers Just Have To Be Told Straight

| Romantic | January 3, 2012

(I’m a straight female, but my friend is lesbian. This is the first time I’ve met her dad.)

Friend’s dad: “You’re a very sweet girl. My daughter is lucky to have you. You’ll make a great couple.”

(I am dumbfounded.)

Friend: “Dad! I told you she was just a friend!”

Friend’s dad: “Oh, darn. But you looked way too chummy to be just friends.”

Friend: “Unlike males, girls can be that chummy and just be friends.”

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