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| Related | January 11, 2012

(I release a wall-shaking belch at the dinner table.)

Mother: “Just like his father.”

Father: “Yeah, and when I find that S.O.B…”

(Just to note, there has been no infidelity between my parents.)

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Your Humor Is Getting Out Of Hand

| Romantic | January 11, 2012

(My boyfriend and I are talking about presents we should get for Christmas. We have been together 3 years.)

Him: “I don’t even need anything this year. I have everything I need.”

Me: “Well, a present isn’t always what you need, but what you want!”

Him: “Well, what do you want?”

(In response I stretch my arms and wiggle my left ring finger to suggest what he knows I really want, an engagement ring!)

Me: “Oh, I don’t know…”

Him: “Well, besides surgery for that strange tic in your finger. What is that finger called again? Oh yeah, the fourth finger!”

(I start laughing uncontrollably.)

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The Corpse Bride

| Romantic | January 11, 2012

(We are eating our anniversary dinner together.)

Boyfriend: “It’s weird that you’ll be a corpse one day.”

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Till Undeath Do Us Part

| Romantic | January 11, 2012

Wife: “If I became a zombie, would you kill me?”

Me: *without hesitation* “Yes.”

Wife: “You didn’t even hesitate! You would really kill me if I was a zombie?”

Me: “Yes. You’d be an undead flesh eater, who would jeopardize my personal safety. You would keep zombie me alive?”

Wife: “Yes, why wouldn’t I?”

(She begins to get a bit upset.)

Me: “I would want to eat you and the kids. Also, I would… Wait, wait, back up. Are we seriously arguing over this?”

(My wife pauses and thinks, and then bursts out laughing.)

Wife: “I’m sorry, that was stupid to get upset over. Good night!”

Me: “Braaaains!”

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Pot Calling The Kettle Brown

| Related | January 10, 2012

(My mom is Filipina, and quite proud of it.)

Mom: “You know, when the Americans first came to the Philippines, they thought we were monkeys with tails, because we’re brown island people.”

Me: “Mom, the Spanish said that.”

Mom: “Oh, they all look the same!”

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