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Honesty Is In The Cards

| Related | January 18, 2012

(It’s my 35th birthday, and I get a card from my mom. It’s a nice-looking card with a check inside. However, it also includes a handwritten note.)

Note: “I don’t know why I’m sending you money for your birthday. I should have been paid for having you!”

Husbands In A Half-Shell

| Romantic | January 18, 2012

(I am a blind female. I am wearing a bright blue shirt with a bright green tank top underneath it to work. My husband and I work together. By the end of the day, I realize that they don’t go together at all.)

Me: “Hon, this outfit is really not cute at all. Why did you even let me leave the house in it?”

Husband: *very matter of fact* “Well, it kind of reminded me of Leonardo from the Ninja Turtles. I thought, well, Leonardo’s pretty cool.”

I Can Be Happy With My Eyes Closed

| Romantic | January 18, 2012

(I’m coming home at about 10:30 am after a meeting that’s gone well, so I’m happy. My boyfriend is still asleep. This is not unusual since he works in a bar.)

Me: “Oh, my darling, my love, my angel! Do you want me to make you breakfast in bed?”

(Silence.)

Me: “Or, would you rather that go away so you can sleep?”

Him: “I am pretty tired.”

Me: “Okay. Just give me a kiss, and I’ll leave you alone!”

(I start kissing him.)

Him: “Stop being so happy. I’m trying to sleep!”

Too Many Cooks Spoil The Love

| Romantic | January 18, 2012

(My family is over at my house for Christmas. My cousin and his girlfriend have just got engaged. For Christmas, they get a slow cooker.)

Cousin: “You mean I can put dinner in before I leave for work, and it’ll be ready when I’m home?”

Aunt: “Yeah, you can put it on a timer.”

Cousin: “It’ll be just like having another [fiancée’s name]!”

Cousin’s fiancée: *death glare*

Pasta Her Prime

| Related | January 17, 2012

Mom: “Can you get the lasagne out of the oven?”

(I do so, and see that it is penne covered in cheese.)

Me: “This isn’t lasagne. It’s penne.”

Mom: “Oh, any pasta baked in the oven is called lasagne!”