How To Deal With Gritty Customers

, , , , | Right | May 14, 2010

(Our home phone number is very close to a local hardware and building supply store.)

Me: “Hello?”

Customer: “Yeah, I wanna order some gravel.”

Me: “I’m sorry, you’ve got the wrong number. You want [correct number].”

Customer: “That’s what I called!”

Me: “No, it isn’t. You’re trying to call [Supply Store]. This is a private residence.”

(This goes on for eight sets of hangups and calls back, with the guy getting nastier and nastier.)

Customer: “Listen, lady. I’m getting really tired of the run-around, so just take my d*** concrete order!”

Me: “Fine, sir. That was eight tons? It’ll be delivered around four pm today.”


This story is part of our roundup about customers who are bad listeners!

Read the next story in the bad listening customers roundup!

Read the bad listening customers roundup!

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Pray None Of Her Patients Read This

, , , , | Right | April 29, 2010

(I am installing a home security system for a new customer. All customers require a password that the monitoring service uses to verify their identity when the alarm is tripped.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am. If your alarm is ever tripped, our monitoring service will call the house to make sure help is needed. We need you to select a password for when they call.”

Customer: “Well, what password should I select?”

Me: “It just needs to be something easy to remember.”

Customer: “Can you suggest something?”

Me: “Well, what do you do for a living?”

Customer: “I’m a nurse.”

Me: “Okay, your password could be ‘Nurse’.”

Customer: “Hmm, I don’t know if I could remember that.”

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PB&Js In My PJs

, , , , | Right | November 12, 2008

Me: “Hello?”

Male caller: “Hi, I’d like a #9 and–”

Me: “Uh, excuse me?”

Male caller: “That was a #9.”

Me: “This isn’t a sandwich store.”

Male caller: “No? Where am I calling?”

Me: “My… house?”

Male caller: “Oh. Can you make me a sandwich anyway?”

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Somebody Plays The Fool, Everytime

, , , , | Right | August 5, 2008

(Our phone number is one digit off from a doctor’s office, so we get calls for them all the time.)

Me: “Hello?”

Lady: “Is this Dr. [Name]’s office?”

Me: “No, ma’am. I’m sorry, but you have the wrong number.”

Lady: “That’s impossible! Oh, wait, I know what this is… This is some kind of April Fools’ joke!”

Me: “No, ma’am. I can assure you that it is not.”

Lady: “Yeah, uh-huh. You’re good, but I would like to make an appointment and I will not take no for an answer.”

Me: *sigh* “How is three-thirty?”

Lady: “Wonderful! See you scamps then.” *click*

Me: *to my mom* “She told me I was playing an April Fools’ joke on her… in July.”

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The Coddling Stops Here

, , , | Right | July 21, 2008

(I’m at a customer’s house to try to repair a desk…)

Me: “Well, it can’t be repaired, so I’ll have to order a new desktop. It could be a couple of weeks.”

Customer: “So you’re taking this one with you right?”

Me: “No, I can’t fit it in my vehicle.”

Customer: “So you’ll be back for it then?”

Me: “No, we don’t do delivery; henceforth, we don’t do pickups, either.”

Customer: “But I bought it from your store!”

Me: “…and you took it home from my store.”

Customer: “Yeah, and it barely fit in my SUV!”

Me: “But it did fit, and you took it home with you.”

Customer: “Well, you’re going to need to pick it up. I’m not bringing it all the way back.”

Me: “Stay with me here: you bought it, picked it up, took it to your home and discovered it had a problem. Now you want to disavow all responsibility? That isn’t how it works. If you got a blender home and it didn’t work, would you call the store and tell them to come to pick it up?”

Customer: “…”

Me: “You’re remodeling your home, not paying me to do it. Don’t forget what that Y stands for in DIY.”

Customer: *sheepishly* “…can you help me put it in my car?”

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