(Although we constantly tell her not to, my granny has a tendency to simply fall backwards into her recliner to sit down. She has just done it again, and I look disapprovingly over at her.)
Me: “Granny, you really need to stop that.”
Granny: “I know that I shouldn’t, but even if I didn’t, I would.”
(I look visibly confused as I attempt to make grammatical sense of the sentence.)
Grandfather: “This is why I can never understand this woman.”
(My husband is walking out the door to go to work. I am teasing him by saying things to him nonchalantly as he is leaving.)
Me: “Have fun at work… drive safe!”
Husband: “Okay, honey, I love you.”
Me: “Kiss me, you fool.”
Husband: “Bye, hun.”
(He walks out the door, locks it and goes to the car. About 30 seconds go by, I’m trying not to crack up, and he comes back to the door.)
Husband: “I heard that.” *he kisses me*
(It’s bedtime. My husband and I have an argument, and I get really mad at him, so I roll over to not look at him anymore. Suddenly, he puts his arms around me and I think he is trying to make up with me, but then he starts repeatedly poking my belly button.)
Me: *trying to bat his hand away* “What the heck are you doing?”
Husband: “I’m trying to find the reset button!”
(I am about ten and my brother is about seven. My dad overhears us from the other room.)
Brother: “What’s this puberty thing they’re always talking about?”
Me: “Well, I don’t really know, but I think it’s when the boys get dumb and the girls get angry.”
(I live in a high rise apartment building with my infant twins. During a late-night feeding we hear fire trucks pull up to our building. Anticipating an alarm, I get the babies bundled up and call my mother-in-law just as the alarm was sounding to evacuate.)
Me: “There’s a fire in the building! We have to evacuate. We’ll be over as soon as we can.”
Mother-in-law: “A fire?”
Me: “Yes. Lots of trucks, and now I can smell smoke. We’re leaving now.”
Mother-in-law: “And, you’re coming over?”
Me: “Yes, right now.”
Mother-in-law: “Okay.”
(I hang up, but almost immediately the phone rings. It is my mother-in-law.)
Mother-in-law: “You’re bringing the babies, right?”
Me: “Goodbye, mom!”
This story is part of our Mother-In-Law roundup!
