(Guys like to punish the bathroom, and my boyfriend is not an exception.)
Boyfriend: “I need to go to the bathroom, and it is going to be really bad.”
Me: “You have given the toilet everything!”
Boyfriend: *Batman voice* “Not everything. Not yet.”
Me: “…we are going to have separate bathrooms in our house.”
(My mother has recently gotten a health book with descriptions of the symptoms of various common disorders. I’m only 4, but very precocious, and have of course gotten into the book.)
Me: “Mommy, I can’t sleep because I’m too scared!”
Mom: “What are you scared of, honey?”
Me: “Impending doom!”
Mom: “What?!”
(She later discovers that the book has ‘a sense of impending doom’ under the symptoms for ‘panic attack’. I must have read it and been frightened by the unfamiliar term.)
(I am a girl who is friends with a group of 6 guys. They all take turns bringing me home because everyone lives near me. I have never let one of the guys take me home because I am not sure about him just yet. I am chatting to him on instant messaging.)
Him: “Where do you live?”
Me: “From [friend’s] house, cross the street, and you’re there. You?”
Him: “From [friend’s] house, cross the street, and you’re there.”
Me: “No way! You’re a liar.”
Him: “Wow, that’s heartless, calling me a liar.”
Me: “Oh, I have a heart. I’m not sure about you though.”
Him: “BRB.”
(After 5 minutes, my phone rings, and it is him telling me to go outside. I see him walking up my driveway. He stops in front of me and pulls out a stethoscope. He puts the earpieces on me and points the listening part to his heart. I listen to his heart for a few beats.)
Him: “I like you.”
Me: “Oh. My. God.”
Him: “There, you’ve heard my heart. And you know I like you. Do you still think I’m heartless?”
(It still took me a while to admit to him that I liked him, at least a couple of weeks after that, but now we’re 15 months together! He then admitted after that day that he was just glad his family kept a stethoscope in his car.)
(My mom is the kind of person who insists that she knows about everything she concerns herself with. She isn’t very computer savvy.)
Mom: “Why are you typing so much?
Me: “I have this work to finish up!”
Mom: “Don’t type so much! You’ll waste the computer ink.”
(My husband is trying to play video games with my two year old. My two year old keeps saying, “I want that one”, but is not being clear.)
Husband: “You need be more clear when telling dada what you want, or you’re going to drive dada bonkers!”
Son: “I drive you bonkers! I’m trying to drive you bonkers!”
