(I am playing a video game. My mom is watching over my shoulder.)
Me: “Mom, keep an eye out for enemies.”
Mom: “Wait! Stop! What’s that jumping thing?”
Me: *thinking she saw an enemy* “What? Where?”
Mom: “That thing jumping in the middle of the screen!”
(I am continuing to run down the passage, doing flips as I go.)
Mom: “Look! Now it did a flip!”
Me: “Mom? That’s me.”
Mom: “Oh! But it looks nothing like you!”
(My grandmother has always been a huge football fan. It always amuses the family to see her, with her curly white hair and spectacles, screaming at the top of her lungs at the football game. I am about 6 years old, my brother is 8, and grandma is watching an important game when my uncle calls.)
Grandma: *to my uncle* “What do you want, make it quick, I’m watching the game! …Yeah, the kids are here… What? No I’m not teaching my grandkids new words…” *suddenly, to the TV* “What the f*** are you doing?!”
(She lets out a string of expletives at the bad play, then returns to my uncle.)
Grandma: *to my uncle* “Yes, I’m teaching them new words! Goodbye!” *hangs up*
(My parents brought my brother and me to play in another room for the rest of the game that day.)
This story is part of our Gorgeous Grandmas roundup!
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(Earlier in the day I had been the doctors due to a pregnancy scare. My test turned out negative.)
Boyfriend: *hiccups* “Aw. I’ve got hiccups again!”
Me: *without missing a beat* “Baby, I lied earlier. I am pregnant…”
(He goes deathly silent.)
Me: “Hiccups gone, then?”
(On my mom’s birthday, my sister and I spend the day buttering her up with compliments about how ageless and young she is. We also are pretty silly, including sending her a text with the lyrics to the Beatles song “Happy Birthday.” In the evening, she’s telling my dad about the wonderful day she’s been having.)
Mom: “Oh, and you won’t believe what [My Name] texted me at lunch.”
Dad: “What?”
Me: “Think Beatles, Dad.”
Mom: “You know, something appropriate for today?”
Dad: *after pondering for a moment* “’When I Get Older’? ‘When I Turn 64’?”
This story is part of our Beatles roundup!
(My mum is clearing out our bookshelves. She find an old dusty book at the back. I am the youngest of three children, the only remaining teenager.)
Mum: “It’s a parenting book. We never read it, though.”
Me: *reading the cover* “From infant to teens. You could still use it!”
Mum: “No, I think it’s too late for you.”
