Totally Euforic

| Related | December 29, 2011

(I share a bedroom with my sister. We are playing the alphabet game instead of counting sheep.)

Sister: “I’ll go first…Alligator.”

Me: “Banana.”

Sister: “Cookie.”

Me: “Dog.”

Sister: “Euphoria.”

Me: “What does that mean?”

Sister: “Really happy.”

Me: “Oh. What comes after your word?”

Sister: “F.”

Me: “F, huh? Hmm… phone.”

*pause*

Me: “Shut up, I’m tired.”

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My Little Stony Relationship

| Romantic | December 29, 2011

(I’m at my boyfriend’s house. I am wearing a shirt with a pony from a show whose target audience are 5 year old girls, and involves lots of colorful ponies.)

Boyfriend’s roommate: “I like your shirt.”

Me: *eyes widen* “You, are my new best friend. Do you watch the show?”

Boyfriend’s roommate: “Yes.”

Me: “You, just made my day.”

Boyfriend: “So, I took you out to breakfast. And, I’m taking you to the movies. He makes your day because he likes a show about ponies. I see how it is. [Roommate], want to go to the movies?”

Me: “Well, if you liked [pony show], you’d make my day, too!”

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Two Sides To Number One

| Romantic | December 29, 2011

(My parents have been married for 34 years. They are having a fight and my mom is in the process of leaving the house to cool off.)

Mom: “I will see you later when I’m not angry at you anymore!”

Dad: *in a mocking love tone* “I love you sweet heart!”

(While backing out, my mom flips him the bird.)

Dad: “Number one? You think I’m number one?”

(He starts singing and doing a little dance in the driveway.)

Dad: “I’m number one! I’m number one! She thinks I’m number one!”

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Mothers Hate Toilet Humor

| Related | December 28, 2011

(My dad purchases a new plunger, and is in the bathroom telling my mom how to use it.)

Dad: *sarcastically* “You know, for the new plunger, you have to pull the handle out before you can use it.”

Mom: “I know how to use a plunger.”

Sister: “Are you sure? You know you’ve got to put it in the toilet, right? And then push.”

Me: “And then pull.”

Sister: “And then push.”

Me: “And then pull.”

Sister: “And then push.”

Me: “And then pull.”

Sister: “And then you’ve got to take it out of the toilet before you sit down.”

(Dad starts cracking up.)

Mom: “I hate all of you.”

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Adopting A Sense Of Humor

| Related | December 28, 2011

(My little brother is lamenting how different he is from everyone else in the family.)

Little brother: “Dad, was I adopted?”

Dad: “Yes, but they brought you back.”

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