Don’t Sweat The Sweater

| Romantic | December 2, 2011

(My boyfriend and I are getting ready to go out to dinner. I am putting on a thick knit sweater.)

Boyfriend: “You look beautiful tonight, babe.”

Me: “Thanks, it’s this new sweater. I just love it.”

Boyfriend: “Yeah, it’s like a really fancy poncho.”

(I turn around and look at him.)

Boyfriend: “I mean in a really good way! And, that it isn’t really a poncho at all! And, I love you!?”

Me: “Did my eyes narrow or something?”

Boyfriend: “Uh huh!”

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Don’t Use As An Eyes Breaker

| Romantic | December 2, 2011

(My fiancé is hugging me after coming home from work.)

Him: “You know, sometimes from close up you look like an alien.”

(I give him a quizzical expression.)

Him: “Cause you have, like, three eyes right now.”

Me: “You sure know how to charm a girl.”

Him: “They’re three very pretty eyes!”

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I May Be Skittles, But You’re Not Smarties

| Romantic | December 1, 2011

(I’m hanging out with my boyfriend. He suddenly decides I need a nickname.)

Him: “Hey, Skittles!”

Me: “What? You mean me?”

Him: “Yes. You are Skittles.”

Me: “Why did you go with Skittles? I don’t even like Skittles. It makes no sense.”

Him: “What, you don’t like your new name, Skittles?”

Me: “Not really, no.”

Him: *shouting* “Too bad! You is my Skittles!”

(He still calls me Skittles to this day.)

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Will You Meow-rry Me

| Romantic | November 30, 2011

(I’ve decided to ask my girlfriend to marry me, and enlisted the help of my younger brother. He’s a glass blower, and has crafted a very special ring box ornament that I can slip the ring inside. While decorating our tree, I’ve slipped it low on the tree. My plan is for her cat to knock it down.)

Girlfriend: “This time of year is so depressing. Should we cancel the paper for the month of December?”

Me: “Well no…there’ll be that s*** on the news, too.”

Girlfriend: *glares at me* “That’s classy.”

(Just as I’d hoped, as my girlfriend and I are talking the cat wanders in and flops on the floor under the tree. It starts batting at the ring box ornament.)

Girlfriend, to the cat: “What’re you doing?! You’ll break it!”

(The ornament falls down, and she picks it up.)

Girlfriend: “Wait…I don’t recognize this one. Where’d it come from?”

Me: *playing dumb* “I dunno.”

(She notices that it has a hinge, and opens the box.)

Girlfriend: “Oh my god…” *turns to stare at me* “You…YOU SNEAKY BASTARD!”

Me: *getting down one one knee* “Well?”

Girlfriend: “I guess this is a good time to tell you I’m pregnant, huh?”

(We’ve now been married for nearly a year, and my little girl is about to have her first Christmas. For some reason, she really loves the cat.)

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Thankfully, Love Is A Universal Language

| Romantic | November 29, 2011

(I’m lying around with my boyfriend-at-the-time. I’ve just told him that I had randomly woken up shirtless that morning. Note: my boyfriend is from Nepal, so I sometimes can’t understand his accent.)

Boyfriend: “Was there a bee in your room?”

Me: “What?”

Boyfriend: “Was there a bee in your room?”

Me: “A bee? Like a bumblebee?”

Boyfriend: “Yeah! They strip you!”

Me: *confused* “…What?”

Boyfriend: “You didn’t know that?!”

Me: “Where did you hear that?”

Boyfriend: “Jesus Christ!”

Me: *even more confused* “What?!”

Boyfriend: “Yeah! I interviewed him the other day! He told me I was sexy!”

Me: “Jesus did NOT tell you you were sexy!”

Boyfriend: “Yeah!”

Me: “A lightning bolt is going to come down and hit you! I’m gonna get hit, too, because I’m right here!”

Boyfriend: *puts his arm around me* “If lightning comes, I push you.”

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