A Stench Made In Heaven

| Romantic | October 17, 2011

(My hubby and I have only been married for three months. One night, he comes home from work and starts getting ready for bed.)

Me: “You need a shower.”

Hubby: “I know, don’t worry! I won’t make you smell my ball sweat!”

Me: “Why did ‘ball sweat’ remind me to take my birth control?”

Hubby: “Welcome to marriage, babe.”

1 Thumbs
662

I Love You Just The Way You (And Your Rear) Are

| Romantic | October 15, 2011

Boyfriend: “I’m going to start working out again, I want to lose a little weight.”

Me: “Me too! Maybe we should start running or biking together?”

Boyfriend: “If you lose that ass, I’m breaking up with you.”

Me: “…what?”

Boyfriend: “Yeah, I like them big!”

1 Thumbs
720

Less Stupid, More Cupid

| Romantic | October 13, 2011

Me: “Please stop saying you’re romantic. You aren’t at all.”

Boyfriend: “I am so romantic.”

Me: “Oh yeah? Name something romantic you did during our past three years together.”

Boyfriend: “I took you to the movies last week.”

Me: “First, Transformers isn’t romantic. Second, you dropped me off and went straight home after.”

Boyfriend: “But I paid, didn’t I?!”

Me: “Yes, but your sister was with us!”

1 Thumbs
710

Taking The Two Out Of Together

| Romantic | October 12, 2011

(Due to employment incentives, for the past few years my father has lived in another town and came home on the weekends. After retiring, he moved back home with my mom. Shortly after, I get a call from my mom, who works full time as a professor.)

Me: “Hi mom, what’s up–”

Mom: “Your father is driving me crazy!”

Me: “So, what did he do?”

Mom: “I was leaving for work, and…”

Me: “What did he do?”

Mom: *angrily “He asked me what I wanted for dinner!”

Me: “The nerve of him.”

1 Thumbs
1,291

Taking The Man Out Of Wo-Man

| Romantic | October 12, 2011

(I’m at home with my boyfriend, watching a football match.)

Me: “That referee is really ruthless.”

Boyfriend: “Well it’s like Heidi Klum would say on Project Runway: You’re eizer een, or you’re out.”

Me: “Dear Lord, I’ve turned you!”

1 Thumbs
710