Don’t Sell Yourself Short

| Romantic | December 14, 2011

(I am about to meet my boyfriend’s parents for the first time. I am talking to him about it.)

Me: “I’m so nervous!”

Boyfriend: “You have nothing to be nervous about. Don’t worry.”

Me: “What have you told them about me?”

Boyfriend: “Uh…nothing, really.”

Me: “Nothing?”

Boyfriend: “I told them you’re short.”

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Not At The Top Of His Game With Prioritizing Skills

| Romantic | December 13, 2011

(I am hanging out with my boyfriend and his roommate.)

Boyfriend: “Today’s November 5th. You know what that means?”

Me: “Hmm?”

Boyfriend: “That in 4 days, it’s our 4 year anniversary. And in 10 days, it’s Assassin’s Creed!”

Roommate: “Nice save, dude.”

Me: “Yeah, we all know which one you’re more excited about.”

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A Relationship In Maturity, Needs Immaturity

| Romantic | December 13, 2011

(My mom is wearing a nightgown. She bends over to pick up something, and my dad can see her panties. Both my parents are incredibly childish.)

Dad: “Woohoo!”

Mom: “What? What are you yelling at?”

Dad: “I can see your panties!”

Mom: *singing* “I see London, I see France, I see wifey’s underpants!”

(Dad is speechless.)

Mom: *continues singing* “Are they blue, are they pink? I dunno, but they sure stink!”

Dad: *to me* “Dear God, I think I broke your mother.”

Me: “I think so too.”

(And for the next 20 minutes, they both continue to sing rhymes to each other. At least they love each other, and at least I have headphones.)

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Love Is On Paws

| Romantic | December 12, 2011

Him: “I want to see that tattoo on your back again.”

Me: “Well, since I don’t like wearing clothes to bed, you’ll see it later, won’t you?”

Him: *poking my cheek* “We should go to bed now.”

Me: “It’s 6 pm! I haven’t gone to bed that early in 15 years!”

Him: “It’s not like we’d be sleeping.”

(My cat jumps up into my lap and makes himself comfortable.)

Me: “You’ve been vetoed.”

Him: *to the cat* “Move, fuzzy!”

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You’d Butter Follow Your Own Advice

| Related | December 12, 2011

(I always forget to put the butter away after making my toast, and my parents (usually my dad) always remind me to. They stress how when I’m out on my own, I won’t have anyone to remind me. Furthermore, they always tell me not to leave any food under the stove lights. On this particular morning, I remembered and am just putting the lid back on the butter when my dad walks in.)

Dad: “Hey, don’t put it away! I need to use it.”

Me: “Okay…I was just putting the lid on it, since you guys are always reminding me.”

(I leave the kitchen as Dad starts to use the butter on his toast. I come back to the kitchen a couple hours later. The butter has been left on the counter, under the stove lights, almost completely melted.)

Me: *facepalm*

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