(My cat will often make a whining noise when he wants something. My sister has taken to imitating the noise when she wants me to get something for her. My sister is 26 and I’m 23.)

Sister: *not looking up from her book, starts whining*

Me: “No.”

Sister: *continues whining*

Me: *sighs*

(I go to the kitchen and make a cup of tea, and some peanut butter on toast. I then take it back through to the living room and present it to my sister.)

Me: “Here. Will you be quiet now?”

Sister: *looks up and bursts out laughing* “How did you know that’s what I wanted?! That’s genuinely what I was asking you for!”

Me: “Woah, seriously?”

Mum: *overhearing* “You two scare me sometimes.”

This story is part of our Sisters’ Day roundup!

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(At my sister’s family birthday party, my dad is serving ice cream.)

Dad: “Which would you like?”

Aunt: “I’d like some of each.”

Dad: “Okay.” *scooping out some chocolate* “Some of one…”

Me: “How can you have a sum of one?”

Dad: “You know, 0 + 1 equals…?”

Me: “Oh. That makes sense.”

Dad: “You thought I meant a sum of a single number?”

Me: “Yes. That couldn’t happen.”

Dad: “Well, the sum itself is a single number.”

Me: “That’s not what you said though. You said ‘sum of one’.”

Dad: “…with the addends being zero and one.”

Me: “Yes. I already agreed that works.”

(Everyone else in the family is staring at us. At this point they all start laughing.)

Grandpa: “Shush! I want to see what they have to say about ‘some of the other’.”

(My fiancé and I are lying on her bed, joking around and discussing whether or not I’d let her date one of her friends.)

Fiancé: “That reminds me, I told him I’d ask if he could have some of your birthday cake.”

Me: “Of course he can have some cake.”

Fiancé: “…I thought you were going to say he could have me then.”

Me: “No. You’re stuck with me. I’m your ball and chain.”

Fiancé: “I thought I was supposed to be your ball and chain.”

Me: “We’re each other’s ball and chain.”

Fiancé: “Doesn’t that make us weights?”

Me: “I’m Dumb, you’re Bell(e).”

(My wife is talking to my daughter.)

Wife: “Are you all right?”

Daughter: “No, I’m half left.”

Wife: *to me* “She learnt that from you.”

Me: “Well, she sure as h*** didn’t learn it from you. You have no wit.”

Wife: *opens mouth to retaliate, but can’t think of anything* “…shut up.”

(My seven year old sister and I get into a fight.)

Sister: *talking about me* “She is so mean! She’s the meanest person ever. She’s the
meanest person in the entire world. She’s… She’s…. She’s the Queen of Mean-gland!”