A Relationship In Maturity, Needs Immaturity

| Romantic | December 13, 2011

(My mom is wearing a nightgown. She bends over to pick up something, and my dad can see her panties. Both my parents are incredibly childish.)

Dad: “Woohoo!”

Mom: “What? What are you yelling at?”

Dad: “I can see your panties!”

Mom: *singing* “I see London, I see France, I see wifey’s underpants!”

(Dad is speechless.)

Mom: *continues singing* “Are they blue, are they pink? I dunno, but they sure stink!”

Dad: *to me* “Dear God, I think I broke your mother.”

Me: “I think so too.”

(And for the next 20 minutes, they both continue to sing rhymes to each other. At least they love each other, and at least I have headphones.)

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Love Is On Paws

| Romantic | December 12, 2011

Him: “I want to see that tattoo on your back again.”

Me: “Well, since I don’t like wearing clothes to bed, you’ll see it later, won’t you?”

Him: *poking my cheek* “We should go to bed now.”

Me: “It’s 6 pm! I haven’t gone to bed that early in 15 years!”

Him: “It’s not like we’d be sleeping.”

(My cat jumps up into my lap and makes himself comfortable.)

Me: “You’ve been vetoed.”

Him: *to the cat* “Move, fuzzy!”

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You’d Butter Follow Your Own Advice

| Related | December 12, 2011

(I always forget to put the butter away after making my toast, and my parents (usually my dad) always remind me to. They stress how when I’m out on my own, I won’t have anyone to remind me. Furthermore, they always tell me not to leave any food under the stove lights. On this particular morning, I remembered and am just putting the lid back on the butter when my dad walks in.)

Dad: “Hey, don’t put it away! I need to use it.”

Me: “Okay…I was just putting the lid on it, since you guys are always reminding me.”

(I leave the kitchen as Dad starts to use the butter on his toast. I come back to the kitchen a couple hours later. The butter has been left on the counter, under the stove lights, almost completely melted.)

Me: *facepalm*

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Dating Sheldon Cooper

| Romantic | December 12, 2011

(I have been dating my boyfriend for a few months and want to tell him how I am feeling. My boyfriend is doing a PhD in math and is extremely, painstakingly accurate about everything.)

Me: “You make me really happy. I’ve really enjoyed the time we’ve been spending together. I feel really strongly about you.”

(My boyfriend nods and smiles. I wait expectantly for a response, but he just looks confused.)

Me: “Well? Don’t you feel the same as I do?”

Boyfriend: “No.”

Me: “What! Why not?”

Boyfriend: “Well, I feel analogously to what I perceive to be the way you feel. Since I am not you, and therefore cannot experience your feelings directly, I cannot say that I feel the same as you do because I can never know exactly how you feel. I feel that what I understand you to be describing as your experience is something that I agree with and relate to, but it would be inaccurate to say that I ‘feel the same’.”

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Getting Between Man And His Best Friend

| Romantic | December 9, 2011

(I am browsing on my spartphone when my girlfriend approaches with a concerned look on her face.)

Her: “Babe, I’m sorry. I have to have this conversation. Your dog has got to go.”

Me: “What! Why?”

Her: “He doesn’t like me, he growls all the time. And he eats my very expensive shoes!”

Me: “No way! I love that Dog!”

Her: “And you don’t love me?”

Me: “Sure, but he costs me less!”

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