(My sister and I are really excited to see ‘Les Misérables’ when it comes out in theatres. We’ve invited one of our cousins to come along.)

Sister: “Okay, I just texted [cousin] about the movie. Oh, she wants to know when we’re seeing it.”

Me: “When it’s been released, of course.”

(My sister texts this. A few seconds later, my cousin texts back. My sister stares at the screen before laughing and shaking her head.)

Me: “What did she text?”

Sister: “She wants to know why we’re waiting until it’s released to go see it.”

Me: “…Because we can’t time travel?”

(I’m in college and my boyfriend is playing his playstation while I’m sitting next to him working on assignments for my class. He stops and looks at me during a loading screen.)

Me: “Whoa. Your eyes are really red!”

Boyfriend: “IT MEANS I’M WINNING!” *goes back to the game*

(Me and my boyfriend are having a mock fight on the sofa. He’s trying to put his foot on my face because I hate feet. He manages to do it a few times and I begin to get slightly annoyed, so I take my sock off and try to throw it in his face in retaliation.)

Boyfriend: *catching the sock* “Master gave Dobby a sock, now Dobby is freeeeeeeeeeeeeee!”

(I couldn’t even pretend to be mad after that. I burst out laughing.)

(My aunt, uncle, and cousins are having dinner; a leg of lamb. Halfway through the meal, my adorable but naive animal-loving cousin, around six years old, pipes up.)

Cousin: “But… how does the lamb walk with only three legs?”

(I’ve been teaching my 4-year-old niece that it is important to say please when making a request. I think she has learned that it’s just the magic word to put on the end of things to make her uncle do what she wants, and she only needs it for me.)

Niece: *to my wife* “Give me juice!”

Me: “You need to say, ‘Give me juice, please.’”

Niece: *to me, with a very indignant look* “I wasn’t talking to you!”