How To Headshot The Mood

| Romantic | November 27, 2011

(I’m watching a movie with a guy I like. He has his arm around me, and we’re cuddling.)

Guy: “You know what’s great?”

Me: “What?”

Guy: “That we can just sit here like this…”

(Right as I am about to say something about how cute that is, he continues.)

Guy: “…and that Modern Warfare 3 comes out tomorrow.”

Me: *speechless*

Guy: “Actually, Modern Warfare 3 is way more exciting.”

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The Pig Calling The Cattle Black

| Romantic | November 25, 2011

(My then-wife and I are in the midst of an argument.)

Me: “Look, you moody cow –”

Wife: “Don’t ever call me that! No human being should ever be compared to an animal, you male, chauvinist–”

(She stops suddenly. Knowing what she is about to say next, I chime right in.)

Me: “Pig?”

Wife: *laughs*

(Although we’re no longer together, we didn’t split up for another five years.)

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Sorry, His Thighs Are Tastier Than Yours

| Romantic | November 25, 2011

(One night in bed, my boyfriend rolls over and snuggles against my back. I tend to tease him when he gets affectionate.)

Me: “Are you expressing some carnal desires there, babe?”

Boyfriend: “Mmm…KFC.”

Me: “What?”

Boyfriend: “Oh. Sorry. I thought you said ‘colonel’.”

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Caught In A Recession Romance, Part 2

| Romantic | November 21, 2011

(My fiancé had proposed quite recently, so I am admiring my new engagement ring.)

Me: *sighing* “The ring is so beautiful. My fingers are so short and stubby, though.”

Him: “Yeah, I was kind of counting on that to make the ring look bigger.”

 

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No Hopes For Gropes

| Romantic | November 19, 2011

(My new boyfriend and I are lying on the couch watching a movie. He and I are very ticklish, and somehow a tickle-war erupts. I discover he’s VERY ticklish on his pecs.)

Boyfriend: “So, I have a question…is your chest as ticklish as my pecs?”

Me: “You wish, but no.”

Boyfriend: “Damn.”

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