How To Deal With Gritty Customers

, , , , | Right | May 14, 2010

(Our home phone number is very close to a local hardware and building supply store.)

Me: “Hello?”

Customer: “Yeah, I wanna order some gravel.”

Me: “I’m sorry, you’ve got the wrong number. You want [correct number].”

Customer: “That’s what I called!”

Me: “No, it isn’t.  You’re trying to call [Supply Store]. This is a private residence.”

(This goes on for eight sets of hang-up and call backs, with the guy getting nastier and nastier.)

Customer: “Listen, lady.  I’m getting really tired of the run-around, so just take my d*** concrete order!”

Me: “Fine, sir. That was eight tons? It’ll be delivered around four pm today.”

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Pray None Of Her Patients Read This

, , , , | Right | April 29, 2010

(I am installing a home security system for a new customer. All customers require a password that the monitoring service uses to verify their identity when the alarm is tripped.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am. If your alarm is ever tripped, our monitoring service will call the house to make sure help is needed. We need you to select a password for when they call.”

Customer: “Well, what password should I select?”

Me: “It just needs to be something easy to remember.”

Customer: “Can you suggest something?”

Me: “Well, what do you do for a living?”

Customer: “I’m a nurse.”

Me: “Okay, your password could be ‘Nurse’.”

Customer: “Hmm, I don’t know if I could remember that.”

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PB&Js In My PJs

, , | Right | November 12, 2008

Me: “Hello?”

Male caller: “Hi, I’d like a #9 and–”

Me: “Uh, excuse me?”

Male caller: “That was a #9.”

Me: “This isn’t a sandwich store.”

Male caller: “No? Where am I calling?”

Me: “My… house?”

Male caller: “Oh. Can you make me a sandwich anyway?”

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Somebody Plays The Fool, Everytime

, , , | Right | August 5, 2008

(Our phone number is one digit off from a doctor’s office, so we get calls for them all the time.)

Me: “Hello?”

Lady: “Is this Dr. [Name]’s office?”

Me: “No, ma’am. I’m sorry, but you have the wrong number.”

Lady: “That’s impossible! Oh, wait, I know what this is… This is some kind of April Fools’ joke!”

Me: “No, ma’am. I can assure you that it is not.”

Lady: “Yeah, uh huh. You’re good, but I would like to make an appointment and I will not take no for an answer.”

Me: *sigh* “How is three-thirty?”

Lady: “Wonderful! See you scamps then.” *click*

Me: *to my mom* “She told me I was playing an April Fools’ joke on her… in July.”

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The Coddling Stops Here

, | Right | July 21, 2008

(I’m at customer’s house to try to repair a desk…)

Me: “Well, it can’t be repaired, so I’ll have to order a new desktop. It could be a couple of weeks.”

Customer: “So you’re taking this one with you right?”

Me: “No, I can’t fit it in my vehicle.”

Customer: “So you’ll be back for it then?”

Me: “No, we don’t do delivery; henceforth, we don’t do pickups, either.”

Customer: “But I bought it from your store!”

Me: “…and you took it home from my store.”

Customer: “Yeah, and it barely fit in my SUV!”

Me: “But it did fit, and you took it home with you.”

Customer: “Well, you’re going to need to pick it up. I’m not bringing it all the way back.”

Me: “Stay with me here: you bought it, picked it up, took it to your home and discovered it had a problem. Now you want to disavow all responsibility? That isn’t how it works. If you got a blender home and it didn’t work, would you call the store and tell them to come pick it up?”

Customer: “…”

Me: “You’re remodeling your home, not paying me to do it. Don’t forget what that Y stands for in DIY.”

Customer: *sheepishly* “…can you help me put it in my car?”

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