(I get to see my fiancé once every two months but we make it work despite the distance and having a one year old daughter. We are snuggling on the couch.)

Me: “You know, we haven’t had any intimate time yet and the baby just went down for the night.”

Fiancé: “But my parents are still up.”

Me: “They are in their room. We’ll just be quiet.”

(We start kissing when his parents burst into the living room.)

Fiancé’s Dad: “Hey, we just finished this movie. Do you guys want to watch it before we return it tomorrow?”

Me: “No, thank you. We watched it earlier.”

(My fiancé’s mom realizes we are trying to have some alone time but his dad doesn’t quite get it.)

Fiancé’s Dad: “Really? What did you think of it? I didn’t think it was as funny as everyone says it is.”

Fiancé’s Mom: “Honey, it’s getting kind of late. Let’s just go to bed.”

Fiancé’s Dad: “It’s not that late.”

Fiancé’s Mom: “Well, we should probably leave the kids alone.”

Fiancé’s Dad: “I just want to talk about the movie.”

Fiancé’s Mom: “Your son is trying to get laid!”

Fiancé’s Dad: “Oh… Oh! Have fun you two. We’ll turn the TV up.”

(They leave the room and a few moments later we hear their TV blare to life from down the hall.)

Fiancé: *as if nothing happened, he starts kissing my neck* “Are you ready for this?”

Me: “Hold on, I need time to get over how weird that was.”

(I am helping my fiancé clean up his room a little when I find a notebook I recognize.)

Me: “Hey, I found your dream book!”

Fiancé: “My what?”

Me: “Your dream book. I saw it the first time I visited your house. You asked me not to look in it because you had written down some dreams you had with me and you didn’t want me to read them.”

Fiancé: “Oh, yeah, you never told me what you thought of those dreams.”

Me: “What?”

Fiancé: “Wait, you mean you didn’t read it anyway after I left the room?”

Me: “No, why?”

Fiancé: “I had no idea! I wrote a love letter to you on the first page thinking you would instantly start reading after I told you not too.”

Me: “But… I love you. I didn’t want you to get mad at me for looking at it after you asked me not too!”

Fiancé: “Well then read it! It’s really romantic!”

Me: “Okay… but the next time you want me to do something, don’t tell me not to do it!”

(Our relationship is long distance and my boyfriend is on webcam at his friend’s house. It’s Valentine’s Day and he’s been calling me a cow, and I’ve been calling him a yak all night, but others are unaware we’re just joking.)

Boyfriend: *very sarcastically* “This is so fun. You should plan this again for next Valentine’s Day, cow.”

Boyfriend’s Friend: *laughs, a little shocked* “Well gee, [Boyfriend], I love you, too! What a wonderful relationship!”

Me: “What do you expect from a yak?”

(My mom has made it rather clear she doesn’t approve of me dating, even though I’m 17 and the rest of my family likes my boyfriend. I’m talking to my sister about dresses.)

Me: “I found this teal one I kind of like, but I think I’d rather get pink.”

Sister: “You’re going to make [boyfriend] wear pink?”

Mom: *butting in* “Prom’s not for two months. You know who you’re bringing already?”

Me: “Yeah. [Boyfriend].”

Mom: “Do you look at colleges as much as you look at dresses?”

(My dad is a teacher, and works in a school in a not-so-great area. Most of the kids he teaches come from one-parent homes.)

Mum: “I don’t understand why people say that homosexuality is too hard for young children to understand.”

Dad: “Exactly! All you’ve got to tell them is that some kids have a mummy and a daddy, some kids have two mummies and some have two daddies. Whereas most of the kids I teach have a mum, two or three ‘uncles’, and dad gets out of jail in a few years.”