(My partner and I are both male and geeks. I am making jokes, comparing us and a girl he knows, to popular fan couples of various series. We are both fairly masculine. We do not believe in the ‘one is the male, the other female’ roles, but my partner is often referred as the girl in the relationship.)

Me: “Okay, I’m Riku, you’re Sora, and [girl] is Xehanort.”

Partner: “Nah.”

Me: “Okay, I’m Peter Parker, you’re Mary Jane, and [girl] is Harry Osborn.”

Partner: “Why am I the girl?”

Me: “Fine, I’m Homura, you’re Madoka, and [girl] is Kyubey. Notice, while we’re both girls in this one, you’re the more feminine one.”

Partner: “HEY!”

(My husband and I are sitting on couch, watching Winnie the Pooh with our two young children. We reach the scene where Christopher Robin has to pin Eeyore’s tail back in place. My husband looks at our kids very solemnly.)

Husband: “Kids, remember when you asked daddy what a prostate exam feels like?”

(My husband snores bad enough to shake walls. I often crawl into the spare bed in order to get some shut eye. We have both just woken up.)

Husband: “Spare room again?”

Me: “Yeah, it was that or smother you with a pillow.”

Husband: “Should have just done that and gotten it over with.”

Me: “I’m way too pretty for prison.”

(We’re sitting in my boyfriend’s kitchen. It is the morning after spending a night together; we are laughing about how some of my friends think he’s using me.)

Me: “What are you using me for? Is it for sex? I’m pretty sure I’m using you for the same thing.”

Boyfriend: “I don’t know; I think you’re the aggressor.”

Me: “I really am far hornier than you are.”

Boyfriend: “It’s like you’re the huntress, and I’m the prey!”

Me: “I feel like I should be embarrassed, but I’m not. I’m actually kind of proud.”

Boyfriend: “You should be. Own it! Wear it like a badge of honor. It’s hot; you’re hot; wanna do it?”

(I have just bought a small—but extremely heavy—crowbar. My boyfriend picks it up and hefts it in his hand.)

Boyfriend: “Wow, you could kill me in my sleep with this thing!”

Me: “And you could kill me in my sleep!”

Boyfriend: “Nah, I wouldn’t need one of these to do that.”

Me: “What?!”

Boyfriend: “Shall we go take a nap? I bet you’re really sleepy! Let’s go cuddle on the bed and fall asleep!”

Me: “Noooo!”