Cleaning Up A Sting Operation

| Related | April 6, 2012

(I am cleaning an old closet with my mom.)

Me: “Eeek!”

(I point and scream at my mom’s back and run.)

Mom: “What?! WHAT?!”

Me: “There’s a huge w—” *runs away*

Mom: “WHAT?!” *chases me*

(She’s panicking because she doesn’t know what it is. It’s a wasp, which I’m highly afraid of.)

Me: “Here, turn around!”

(I grab a towel and start smacking it. It finally falls off.)

Mom: “Oh, is that all? You scared me! Why did you run?”

Me: “Because you were chasing me!”

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Instant Disapproval

| Related | April 6, 2012

(I come downstairs one morning and find my parents and my brother at the breakfast table, having a discussion.)

Mom: “But I put an egg in it, right? That makes it healthy, right?”

Brother: “I don’t think it works that way, mom.”

Me: “What’s going on?”

Dad: “Your mother’s trying to come up with an excuse to eat instant ramen noodles for breakfast.”

Mom: “Am not!”

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The Family That Slays Together, Stays Together, Part 5

| Related | April 6, 2012

(My exceptionally lazy roommate is caught off guard when my landlord shows up early and blames the mess on me. She says I ‘refuse’ to clean. I am venting with my dad.)

Me: “I can’t believe she said that I refuse to clean! There’s a wiener on the floor that she dropped and was too lazy to pick up!”

Dad: “It’ll be alright, honey. You won’t be there for too much longer.”

Me: “You’re right. I might need help hiding their bodies before then, though.”

Dad: “Okay. Just let me know when.”

 

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The Twilight Of Our Youth, Part 4

| Romantic | April 6, 2012

(My fiancé and I are sitting in the living room. We originally met on a ‘Buffy The Vampire Slayer’ message board. We are at the end of a ‘If I turned into a _____, would you kill me?’ conversation.)

Fiancé: “Okay, fine. What if I was a vampire? Would you kill me?”

Me: *wryly* “Okay, are we talking Forever Knight vampire, Buffy the Vampire Slayer vampire, or…” *makes a face*Twilight vampire?”

Fiancé: *frowns* “…or? It sounded like you were going to give me a third choice. And why are you making that face?”

Me: “I did give you a third choice. I said…” *makes another face*Twilight”.

Fiancé: *sighs* “You did it again. You just stopped, made a face and trailed off.”

Me: “No, I said the same thing twice.”

Fiancé: “What was it?”

Me:Twilight. As in Twilight Princess.”

Fiancé: *laughs* “Oh! I only heard it in the Zelda context. I mentally block it out on its own now. To me it does not exist. And so you still only gave me two choices. Buffy vampire.”

Me: “I really love you. And yes. Yes, I would kill you.”

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Love Can Get You All Choked Up

| Romantic | April 6, 2012

(My boyfriend and I are sitting on the couch together while a friend of ours is in the kitchen. My boyfriend gets up to go in the kitchen as well, and I stop him for a second.)

Me: “Hon, I want a pudding cup. Could you get me one, please?”

(I give him a pouty face.)

Boyfriend: “Psssh, you’ve never made me a sandwich! Why should I get you a pudding, huh?”

Me: “Hey, wait. I have so made you a sandwich!”

Friend: *from kitchen* “Yeah, but you never got around to making mine!”

(We all laugh, and a few moments later my boyfriend drops a pudding cup in my lap and sits back down.)

Boyfriend: “Here’s your stupid pudding, I hope you choke on it.”

(I eat it and lean on him after finishing, to whisper in his ear.)

Me: “I didn’t choke on my pudding. Sorry.”

Boyfriend: “It’s okay, there’s always next time.”

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