Own Up To A Grown Up

| Related | April 7, 2012

(I’m babysitting my 2 1/2 year old niece, and decide to let her watch TV for half an hour. Peppa Pig is a British cartoon for toddlers.)

Me: “Okay, let’s watch some TV! What will we watch?”

Niece: “You pick!”

Me: “Okay, let’s watch Peppa Pig!”

Niece: *sighs, and looks at me like I’m an idiot* “Don’t be silly. That’s for BABIES!”

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The Breast Education Starts At Home

| Related | April 7, 2012

(My nephew has just learned that some people are girls and some are boys. My sister, my mom and I are sitting down and talking with him. He is just a toddler.)

Sister: *to son* “Is mommy a boy or a girl?”

Nephew: “Girl!”

Sister: “Is daddy a boy or a girl?”

Nephew: “Boy!”

Sister: “Are you a boy or a girl?”

Nephew: “Boy!”

Sister: “Is Auntie a boy or girl?”

Nephew: “Girl!”

Sister: “Is Grandma a boy or a girl?”

(He looks confused for a second. He goes over, pulls the neck of my mom’s shirt out and looks down it.)

Nephew: *proudly* “Girl!”

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Bleeding Love

| Romantic | April 7, 2012

(Although I’m not much of a cook, I decided to surprise my boyfriend with an elaborate, homemade dinner. He is delighted.)

Boyfriend: “I can’t believe you did all this! You obviously know the fastest way to a man’s heart.”

Me: *missing the point* “Through a hole in his ribcage?”

(My boyfriend stops chewing.)

Me: “Oh. Stomach. I meant stomach.”

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Origa-Me And You

| Romantic | April 7, 2012

(I am trying to make some difficult origami flowers for my girlfriend, but mess them up so bad I throw them in the trash. I buy her real flowers instead.)

Girlfriend: “Hey, what is this mess in the trash?”

Me: “Nothing.”

(She takes them out anyway, ignoring me trying to throw them back in.)

Girlfriend: “Are these supposed to be flowers?”

Me: “Um, they’re ugly. Throw them out.”

Girlfriend: “You were making these for me, weren’t you?”

Me: “I got you real ones instead. They look way nicer.”

Girlfriend: “But I want these too!”

(It’s 2 years later, and she still keeps those flowers. I had since learned to make better ones, but she hasn’t thrown away the original bunch.)

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Cleaning Up A Sting Operation

| Related | April 6, 2012

(I am cleaning an old closet with my mom.)

Me: “Eeek!”

(I point and scream at my mom’s back and run.)

Mom: “What?! WHAT?!”

Me: “There’s a huge w—” *runs away*

Mom: “WHAT?!” *chases me*

(She’s panicking because she doesn’t know what it is. It’s a wasp, which I’m highly afraid of.)

Me: “Here, turn around!”

(I grab a towel and start smacking it. It finally falls off.)

Mom: “Oh, is that all? You scared me! Why did you run?”

Me: “Because you were chasing me!”

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