Cylon And The City

| Romantic | February 16, 2012

Girlfriend: “That is such a Miranda thing for you to do!”

Me: “Is that a Sex And The City reference again? You know I hate that show. I don’t get the references.”

Girlfriend: “If you actually finished an episode, you wouldn’t say that. And I wouldn’t be this distracting voice constantly telling you to give it a go.”

Me: “That, is such a Baltar thing to happen!”

*short pause*


Me: “…Galactica, yes. See? I can make my own references.”

Girlfriend: “Okay, how about this? I will sit down and watch all of Battlestar Galactica with you, if you will sit down and watch all of Sex And The City with me. I really think it will help us as a couple!”

Me: “Deal!”

Girlfriend: “Really?”

Me: “Absolutely! I love the idea and in the interests of nurturing our relationship and love of each other and coming to a mature understanding of the other person as defined through their favourite TV show, I accept.”

(I put my hand out in a handshake gesture. She takes it, and I begin shaking vigorously.)

Girlfriend: “Thanks babe! I really think that’s mature of you.”

Me: “Did I mention that while Sex And The City had six short seasons of episodes at half an hour each, Battlestar has over a hundred hour-long episodes?”

Girlfriend: “What! That’s not fair!”

Me: “Hey, you made the deal. All of Sex And The City, for all of Battlestar Galactica.”

Girlfriend: “Fine! But, aha! Sex And The City has two movies!”

Me: “So does Battlestar.”

Girlfriend: “D*** it!”

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The Surprise Is Toast

| Related | February 16, 2012

(It’s the day before my Grandma’s birthday. I’m 5 years old. I’ve seen her present and been told very clearly that I can’t tell her what it is, but I want her to guess.)

Me: “It begins with a ‘T’, grandma. Can you guess what it is?”

Grandma: “Oh, I don’t know. A tea towel?”

Me: “No. It begins with a ‘T’.”

Grandma: “A T-shirt?”

Me: “No, grandma.”

(I decide to change the subject, albeit with child-like logic.)

Me: “You’ve always wanted a toaster, haven’t you?”

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A Simple Truth

| Romantic | February 16, 2012

(My boyfriend had just made us dinner.)

Me: “Thanks for dinner, babe! You are a great cook.”

Boyfriend: “And you…are a great eater.”

Me: “True.”

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One Review To Rule Them All

| Related | February 16, 2012

Sister: *to my parents* “Do you want to watch Lord of the Rings with me? I haven’t seen it yet.”

Mum: “No. Shall I tell you a story about the Lord of the Rings? Your father and I were watching one of them. I fell asleep when they were fighting the orcs. I woke up, and they were still fighting the orcs. I fell asleep again and your dad put the next film on. When I woke up, they were fighting the orcs again. Trust me, you don’t need to see all three films!”

Sister: “Are they really that bad?”

Dad: “Your mother’s exaggerating. But, yes. Fighting the orcs is mainly what happens.”

Sister: “Oh, forget it then. I thought they were going to be cool!”

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No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 6

| Related | February 16, 2012

(My dad is in France. My mom calls him at 9 pm in Maine, which would be 3 am in France. My mom grumbles to me the next day.)

Mom: “Brazil and France are the same distance from here, and Brazil is only one hour later, so why would France be 6? It makes no sense.”

Me: “Wrong direction. Brazil is south, France is east.”

Mom: “It’s stupid. France and Brazil should have the same time!”


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