Juan, Two, Three

| Related | February 17, 2012

(My friend is explaining to his 6-year-old son about a trip that will take him away for 3 weeks.)

Friend: “I’m going to Costa Rica, where they don’t speak English. I won’t understand them, and they won’t understand me.”

Son: “What will they speak?”

Friend: “Spanish.”

Son: “Well, you can count with them!”

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He’s Got Some Lens Flare

| Related | February 17, 2012

(My dad is watching Spartacus. Spartacus stabs a guy on the ground, and the blood splatters on the screen for a transition effect.)

Me: *shouting* “Oh my God, he killed the camera man!”

(Dad sighs, and rolls eyes.)

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Kids Marry Together Strange Ideas

| Related | February 17, 2012

(I have twin cousins. They are six year old little girls. To them, being grown up,means being married.)

Cousin 1: *to me* “You’re not a grown up!”

Me: “Yes, I am!”

Cousin 2: “No, you’re not. You’re not married!”

Me: “Okay, you got me there. I’m not married yet.”

Cousin 2: “Why aren’t you married, anyways? You should be married!”

Me: “Well, I’m not ready yet.”

(My little cousins look surprised and in awe.)

Cousin 1: “What! It’s easy! All you have to do to get married is ask, ‘Are you a Christian, and how many kids do you want!?’.”

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Cylon And The City

| Romantic | February 16, 2012

Girlfriend: “That is such a Miranda thing for you to do!”

Me: “Is that a Sex And The City reference again? You know I hate that show. I don’t get the references.”

Girlfriend: “If you actually finished an episode, you wouldn’t say that. And I wouldn’t be this distracting voice constantly telling you to give it a go.”

Me: “That, is such a Baltar thing to happen!”

*short pause*

Girlfriend:Battlestar?”

Me: “…Galactica, yes. See? I can make my own references.”

Girlfriend: “Okay, how about this? I will sit down and watch all of Battlestar Galactica with you, if you will sit down and watch all of Sex And The City with me. I really think it will help us as a couple!”

Me: “Deal!”

Girlfriend: “Really?”

Me: “Absolutely! I love the idea and in the interests of nurturing our relationship and love of each other and coming to a mature understanding of the other person as defined through their favourite TV show, I accept.”

(I put my hand out in a handshake gesture. She takes it, and I begin shaking vigorously.)

Girlfriend: “Thanks babe! I really think that’s mature of you.”

Me: “Did I mention that while Sex And The City had six short seasons of episodes at half an hour each, Battlestar has over a hundred hour-long episodes?”

Girlfriend: “What! That’s not fair!”

Me: “Hey, you made the deal. All of Sex And The City, for all of Battlestar Galactica.”

Girlfriend: “Fine! But, aha! Sex And The City has two movies!”

Me: “So does Battlestar.”

Girlfriend: “D*** it!”

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The Surprise Is Toast

| Related | February 16, 2012

(It’s the day before my Grandma’s birthday. I’m 5 years old. I’ve seen her present and been told very clearly that I can’t tell her what it is, but I want her to guess.)

Me: “It begins with a ‘T’, grandma. Can you guess what it is?”

Grandma: “Oh, I don’t know. A tea towel?”

Me: “No. It begins with a ‘T’.”

Grandma: “A T-shirt?”

Me: “No, grandma.”

(I decide to change the subject, albeit with child-like logic.)

Me: “You’ve always wanted a toaster, haven’t you?”

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