Ruining The Heat Of The Moment

| Romantic | February 17, 2012

(My boyfriend and I are lying in bed.)

Me: “Hey, come here. I’m cold, and I need my human radiator.”

(He comes and cuddles up to me.)

Boyfriend: “Aw! That’s so cute!”

Me: “Shush. Radiators don’t talk.”

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Coyote Baby

| Related | February 17, 2012

(I’m talking to my 5-year-old daughter. She tends to say some pretty weird things.)

Me: “What are you doing, Sweetie?”

Daughter: “Just making a little something I learned in bartending school!”

(She attempts to pour juice into a cup, but misses and spills it all over the counter.)

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Juan, Two, Three

| Related | February 17, 2012

(My friend is explaining to his 6-year-old son about a trip that will take him away for 3 weeks.)

Friend: “I’m going to Costa Rica, where they don’t speak English. I won’t understand them, and they won’t understand me.”

Son: “What will they speak?”

Friend: “Spanish.”

Son: “Well, you can count with them!”

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He’s Got Some Lens Flare

| Related | February 17, 2012

(My dad is watching Spartacus. Spartacus stabs a guy on the ground, and the blood splatters on the screen for a transition effect.)

Me: *shouting* “Oh my God, he killed the camera man!”

(Dad sighs, and rolls eyes.)

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Kids Marry Together Strange Ideas

| Related | February 17, 2012

(I have twin cousins. They are six year old little girls. To them, being grown up,means being married.)

Cousin 1: *to me* “You’re not a grown up!”

Me: “Yes, I am!”

Cousin 2: “No, you’re not. You’re not married!”

Me: “Okay, you got me there. I’m not married yet.”

Cousin 2: “Why aren’t you married, anyways? You should be married!”

Me: “Well, I’m not ready yet.”

(My little cousins look surprised and in awe.)

Cousin 1: “What! It’s easy! All you have to do to get married is ask, ‘Are you a Christian, and how many kids do you want!?’.”

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