Don’t Let Grandma Give You A Puck On The Cheeks

, | Related | December 30, 2011

(My grandma is incredibly crazy when it comes to hockey. My family is watching the game in the living room when a player on my grandma’s favorite team gets hit.)

Grandma: *gasps* “You can’t shove someone like that! That’s not nice! This is hockey!”

(Everyone rolls their eyes. An hour later, a player on the other team gets hit.)

Grandma: *now blood-thirsty* “Nice hit! He deserved that one!”

(The player gets up.)

Grandma: “Why is he getting up? He shouldn’t be able to get up yet! Why is he getting up?”

(Everyone stares at grandma.)

Grandma: “Oh… uh… I mean…”

(She giggled awkwardly and continued watching quietly.)

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Those Monthly Marriage Fees Will Getcha

| Romantic | December 30, 2011

(My husband and I are joking about the cost of some of his supplies for college, including a new laptop.)

Me: “Man, honey! You are an expensive date!”

Husband: “No, I’m not an expensive date. In fact, I’m relatively cheap!”

Me: *sarcastically* “Oh, really?”

Husband: “Yeah! It’s just the upkeep that’s costly!”

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A Fruit Punch

| Romantic | December 30, 2011

(I’m pouring seltzer into my orange juice.)

Me: “Blame my mother. I can’t drink juice straight.”

Boyfriend: “This is why you will die in the apocalypse. I love you, but you’ll die.”

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Not So Pretty On The Inside

| Romantic | December 30, 2011

(I was talking with my long-distance girlfriend on Skype a few days before we would see each other over Christmas.)

Girlfriend: “Guess what!”

Me: “I don’t know, sweetie, what?”

Girlfriend: “I like you! Guess what else?”

Me: *laughs* “Aw, I like you too! And I don’t know, honey, what?”

Girlfriend: “I pooped twice today.”

Me: “…yay?”

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Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 2

| Related | December 29, 2011

(Me and my mom are on the porch, saying goodbye to my brother who is leaving for college.)

Me: “I’m going to miss you. Just don’t make me an aunt!”

Brother: “Don’t make me an uncle!”

(My neighbor has been watching us. He looks shocked.)

Mom: *to neighbor, very proudly* “Yup, they’re my kids.”

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