(My parents have recently shut off their satellite service, and have switched to regular TV. My mom is worried about the kids not having their favorite programs to watch anymore.)

Me: “Well, you know you can always buy a DVD with some of the episodes on it.”

Mom: “But, that’s just a few. They need more!”

Me: “Didn’t you get [streaming service]?”

Mom: “Yes! Do they have it on there?”

Me: “No, but you should be able to purchase an episode for $2.”

Mom: “$2 for 30 minutes of TV? That’s a little pricey.”

Me: “…you get to keep it.”

Mom: “Really?! For how long?”

Me: “Forever?”

(My mother has just received a call for me from the department of education. They are seeking to do an interview on what I’ve done after finishing school. Instead of coming over to me and handing me the phone, she yells across the house.)

Mother: “[Name], it’s the FBI! They want to arrest you!”

Me: “Why? What’d I do this time?”

(My five-year-old sister is talking to our mother.)

Sister: “I like it when my sister calls me ‘C-Bear’.”

Mother: “I’m glad.”

Sister: “It’s funny. I call her ‘Kristie-Bear’. I’ll call you ‘Mommy-Bear’, because you’re my Mommy.”

Mother: “Okay.”

Sister: “And I’ll call Daddy ‘Farty-Bear’, because he farts a lot.”

(My husband brings home some snacks. I am talking to him while munching on one.)

Me: “Since I’ve been eating healthy, I haven’t craved red meat in a while.”

Husband: “What are you eating now then?”

(He points at my hand holding the snack pouch. I look down, and the pouch has ‘Grass-Fed BEEF JERKY’ on it.)

Me: “…that explains it.”

(I’m calling my mom to thank her for the food bag she left us the other night.)

Me: “Thanks Mom! [Brother] had to make space in the freezer and take out the raw fish you gave us last week. Our kitten loved it!”

Mom: “No problem. Good thing you—wait, you FED IT TO THE CAT?”

Me: “Yeah, wasn’t that what it was for?”

Mom: “No, that was Vendance! I bought it for you to cook and eat on Sunday!”

Me: “Oops?”

(Vendance is a small white fish, that is a huge delicacy in Finland, and very expensive, too!)