A Hidden A-Gender

| Related | February 19, 2012

(I’m visiting my grandpa at his home, who hasn’t seen my brother and me since we were kids. I’m female, but I have short hair and boyish clothes.)

Me: “Hi, grandpa!”

Grandpa: “My dear grandson, how are you? You’re a really big boy now.”

(My brother walks in behind me.)

Grandpa: “Who’s he, and where’s your sister?”

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Not Om-Nominal

| Romantic | February 18, 2012

(Quite often, I like to pretend to eat my girlfriend, in a playful way. This time I pretended to nom her unexposed chest.)

Me: “Nomnomnomnom.”

Girlfriend: “Hey, don’t do that!”

Me: “Why not?”

Girlfriend: “I need those!”

Me: “What do need them for?”

Girlfriend: “To get jobs, and stuff.”

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Death Becomes Him

| Romantic | February 18, 2012

Boyfriend: “You know, if someone was going to kill me, I’d want it to be you.”

Me: “Is that meant to be romantic?”

Boyfriend: “Hey in some cultures, it might be considered romantic to kill someone you really love!”

Me: “Name one.”

Boyfriend: *thinks* “Black widow spider culture!”

 

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A Descent Sense Of Humor

| Related | February 18, 2012

(I’m helping my family move our belongings that we’ve kept in storage for a while. My dad locates a vintage baby carriage.)

Dad: “We’re going to put a baby in here one day.” *turns to me* “I want you to pump out a kid so we can use this.”

Me: “Hey, now. We don’t even know if [boyfriend] is fertile.”

Dad: “That’s okay. We can just borrow some from your brother and do it artificially.”

Me: “What?! Dad!”

Brother’s girlfriend: “The first line of genes will be amazing, but everything after that will be all messed up.”

Dad: “I don’t care. I’ll be dead by then.”

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Cause And Defect

| Romantic | February 17, 2012

(My boyfriend and me are discussing what groceries we need. I suggest a type of chocolate bar that are currently on clearance at the chemist’s. Also, he prefers slimmer girls.)

Boyfriend: “We don’t always need snacks.”

Me: “But they make me happy!”

Boyfriend: “I know. But if you get too happy, you’ll make me unhappy.”

Me: “What!?”

Boyfriend: “Well, it’s not a direct cause and effect, but there’s a strong correlation!”

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